Chinglish Ideals

Chinglish is the lovable form of entertainment produced by a mix of the Chinese mind and the English language. As I was walking along the street in Beijing one night I saw a van with the following Chinglish paragraph written on its side:

In Beijing, have a set of one's own houses, it is most untiring ideals of people. The ones that enabled more persons to live in got up in the good house, is ideals all the time of the others too. Go to in the city, mutually encourage between ideal and ideal.

Caught on CCTV Camera

My favourite homegrown television channel in China is CCTV. China Central Television comes in many languages (Mandarin, English, French, and Spanish) and flavours (music, sports, news, etc.). It is one of my primary sources of information. I even had the honour of appearing on the English language channel of China's national broadcaster.

After enjoying a virtuoso juggling act by the famed American performer Bryson Lang, my roommate and I were about to leave the Goose & Duck entertainment complex when we were encouraged to stay on a little longer. A CCTV crew happened to be on hand to film a few clips of the bar's cheerleaders - the GeeDettes. They perform a short series of choreographed dance sequences. An audience of leering foreigners in the front row would be a welcome addition to the video clip and we fit the bill perfectly.

As we sat directly in front of the dancing girls, my roommate noticed the cameraman gesturing at us and quickly snapped a photo of him. During an interval in filming, the director approached us and instructed us to move our bodies in sync with the movement of the girls and the beat of the music. We grudgingly complied to the best of our dancing abilities, which were none whatsoever. Occasionally, my roommate's head bobbed but no discernible movements were made by the ARNABody.

Origin of the Feces

After alighting from a long distance bus taking us from Beijing to Tianjin, an American friend of mine immediately headed for the nearest public washroom. He entered 5 seconds before I did, and left the facilities 1 second before my entrance. The math did not quite add up.

Inside lay a sight to behold. A row of Chinese men were squatting with their pants down, directly facing anyone who entered the room. Their faces were contorted in various levels of pain or pleasure. Aghast, I swiveled towards the urinal. This is why the American had exited so hurriedly. If that was hell, then the ladies toilet would have been heaven.

As I began to take a leak, I saw a man glaring at me. We were diagonally opposite from each other so our urine was intersecting at a right angle. We maintained eye contact for the duration of the peculiarly perpendicular act before vacating the premises.

*****

“Psychiatry's chief contribution to philosophy is the discovery that the toilet is the seat of the soul.” - Alexander Chase

The Ladybars of Sanlitun

My Irish flatmate arrived five days after I had moved in to my apartment. To welcome him a night on the town was in order. He was keen on visiting the House of Suzie Wong's. Supposedly a trendy Beijing club visited by Chinese ladies looking to snag Westerners, it turned out to be salsa night. After catching a few performances, we hurriedly left.

The night was still young so we took a taxi to the bar street in Sanlitun, Beijing's most famous nightlife area. I had been warned not to come here since it catered to the depraved. We were greeted by a line of brightly lit establishments with neon decor and groups of sinister individuals offering us ladies. We declined the offers and found a place with live music. Inside, a man offered to draw our portraits and a woman tried to sell us flowers. Once the band called it a night, so did we.

*****

Chinese tout: Lady?

Frenchman: Absolutely not.

Chinese tout, leaning in with eyebrow raised: Sorry?

Prejudice

My Chinese market research company conducted several English language focus groups in Beijing. My colleagues had to transliterate the comments the participants had scrawled on the worksheets that had been given to them. The writing was by and large quite messy. I provided valuable assistance in deciphering the more difficult to read words. One lady at the office asked what the word "prejudice" meant, so I explained that it is having an opinion in advance that colours someone's judgement.

Chinese lady:  I have prejudice against you. Right?
Arnab: Yes, but it's bad to have a prejudice.
Chinese lady: I can say you have prejudice against me. You have prejudice against me.
Arnab: How?
Chinese lady: I really beautiful, but you thought no.

*****

See also: Pride (totally unrelated)

Shop Talk

While I worked as a primary developer of product releases at ResponseTek, several new terms were introduced into the technical lexicon:

• ARNABranch - Whenever features, changes, or bug fixes had to be developed, I requested a branch of the code base to work on.
• ARNABuild - As I made rapid progress on my project, I would roll out incremental packages tot the quality assurance (QA) team so that they could validate and verify my work.
• ARNABug - Occasionally an ARNABuild behaved in an untoward manner. These ARNABugs were not necessarily introduced in the current ARNABranch, although they were detected in it.
• ARNABeta - When software is ready to be tried by its users but is still not ready for the big time, a 'beta' label is slapped on it. ARNABetas looked very good but rarely worked.

Taiwanese Tease

As a highly appreciated objet d'art I have always been heavily photographed by everyone from Joe Public to various subject matter experts (SMEs). A goal of mine was to be photographed by strangers for reasons not purely aesthetic. Being an alien in China, the time was ripe for me to be picturized for looking different, and not just for looking gorgeous. I thought my wish had come true at Shanghai Airport, but alas it was not to be.

I stood at the entrance to the terminal and a group of tourists gathered near me. They exchanged nervous glances and spoke to each other in hushed tones, before sending an emissary to approach me. The young fellow asked me if I could pose with his sister for a picture. I happily obliged and he thanked me for my kindness. He told me he was a fireman from Taiwan and then leaned in conspiratorially, whispering in my ear "My sister thinks you are very handsome". My dream shattered, I cast a scintillating gaze in her direction. She blushed and looked downwards.

The Place To Be

Q: Have you been to "The Place"?
A: Which place?
Q: The Place?

Beijing is full of fancy shopping malls, but a few stand apart from the rest. The Place is one of them. Asia's largest LCD screen covers an open air plaza that is part of the upscale shopping complex. 250m long and 30m wide, an array of LED's dot the massive overhead screen. A film about the solar system was being played on the giant screen, as its capabilities were showcased to the audience beneath. A slightly larger screen in Las Vegas takes the top prize, but the Place also boasts a Ferrari store where the salesmen are dressed in the signature red Formula 1 outfits donned by the team.

Arnab and the Great Wall

My first visit to the Great Wall turned out to be much more dangerous than I had anticipated it to be. There are several sections of the wall that are around a two hour drive from Beijing. Rather than a jaunt through a tourist heavy portion of the wall, I visited Jiankou. Featuring long and steep stretches of unrestored splendour and sheer drops onto the jagged rocks below for anyone who has the misfortune of toppling off the wall, the world's longest tourist attraction was quite spectacular here.

After a strenuous climb up to the wall through snow covered wilderness, I believed that the most physically challenging portions of the hike had been completed. I was wrong. Like a video game, each consecutive stage of the trip proved to be more daunting and exciting than the last. Many portions of the wall were missing or crumbling apart. To get from one segment to another I had to scale near vertical steps or climb bare handed on the sides of the mountain to reach the next level. Some stairs were referred to as 'ladders' as there angle of elevation eared 80 degrees. Strategically positioned watchtowers allowed me to catch my breath and enjoy the panoramic view, before I continued onwards on the perilous path.

The Chinese climbers had come well prepared with heavy duty gear including walkie talkies, walking sticks, ropes, and brand name clothing, while the foreigners were an ill prepared ragtag outfit. At one point a piece of the wall came lose, bounced of the shoulder of one adventurer, then narrowly avoided obliterating another member of the expedition, before smashing into a thousand pieces down below. The perilous trek concluded soon after as we found a gap in the wall and slid down the snowy hills back to base camp.

*********

"He who has not climbed the wall is not a true man" - Chairman Mao

The Rise of the ARNACuties

The Goose 'n Duck is a Canadian sports bar in Beijing catering to the twisted tastes of Westerners. As I was explaining the concept of ARNABabes, ARNABeauties, ARNABombshells, and the ARNABride to a partially inebriated Irishman, a group of nubile Chinese ladies ran out in front of us in cheerleading outfits and began to dance. As the cheerleaders gyrated to popular beats, the Irishman presented a cogent argument. He lamented that in China there were very few beauties; the women were either cute or ugly. Since ARNABeauties would be low in numbers, the rogue suggested I focus on ARNACuties instead.

Full Moon

As I was strolling down a main thoroughfare in Beijing, I was somewhat intrigued when I thought that a small child was mooning me. I did not want to stare so I looked further ahead, only to see a whole column of similarly non-attired children on the sidewalk. I would find out that it had nothing to do with the lunar calendar.


The first bums I have seen on the streets of Beijing belonged to small children. Following environmentally sound best practices the toddlers have refrained from wearing diapers, opting instead for a hole in the pants. Sporting a stylish slit in their garments around their rear ends, the tiny tots deposit their byproducts near the trees that line the sidewalks. If no trees are in sight other crevices or receptacles suffice. The curvaceous contours of the ARNABum have yet to make a public appearance, as toilet facilities have so far been plentiful.

*****

Bumper sticker: Boycott shampoo, demand real poo instead.

Where's Walmart?

I had noticed a building in Beijing with the words "Walmart Supercenter" reasuringly emblazoned near the top of it. The first day that I meandered around the complex I discovered a department store taking up seven floors of the building, a food court, a five star hotel, a movie theatre, and a video game arcade. A Walmart was not to be seen anywhere, so I went home.

I returned soon thereafter to the site, this time approaching the building from the rear. I spotted the entrance to the Walmart at once, and saw that the escalators led downstairs. It was a hidden underground facility teeming with consumers. As I entered it, founder Sam Walton's shining visage welcomed me. His name tag had been digitally altered, so both the English and Chinese versions of his name were clearly visible (unlike the entrance to the store).

The Walmart offered everything from live turtles in the seafood section to liquor to clothing. I had come searching for a box of Dove chocolate bars, which hold the highest market share in China's intensely competitive chocolate industry. I found small portions of dove, in chocolate and meat form, but not in bulk so I went home empty handed.

Orange Crushed

As part of my ongoing study of the eating habits of modern civilizations, I visited a KFC outlet in China. I ordered a Beijing style wrap combo. For my drink, I asked for an Orange Crush. After paying for and collecting my meal, I sat down and began to eat.

With the soothing sounds of the Backstreet Boys playing in the background, I took a bite out of my Kentucky Fried Crab. As I slurped my drink, my tongue started to sizzle. I noticed the smoke first, and then the pain. The Orange Crush was actually boiling hot orange juice. Logically, orange juice is served at a high temperature during the cold winter months. My taste buds would recover in due time for further culinary adventures.

Gruel

My office building has its own food court. A card has to be purchased and loaded with funds. It is possible to pay for items at all the restaurants in the food court by swiping this prepaid card as long as a balance remains. Many of the meals are accompanied by a bowl of thick soup.

I am fond of the soup but my Chinese colleagues could not tell me its English name right away. The direct translation turned out to be "millet gruel". This is what orphans in 19th century had for sustenance as they laboured in factories. Although it has a bad reputation, it has a good taste.

*****

"Please, sir, I want some more." - Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

Bird On A Stick

My landlord referred me to an area where I could sample some street fare. I tried a piece of fried chicken on a stick as a starter, and the ordered another bird on a stick. I conveyed my wishes by pointing at my object of desire. This time I could not tell what animal I was eating, although it did seem vaguely familiar. My skewer had four of the small and tasty creatures attached to it. I walked back to my apartment while munching on them, careful to leave one specimen intact. When I arrived back to my flat, my landlord identified the remaining critter as a baby quail.

One World, One Dream

I landed in China amidst unparalleled fanfare. The good citizens of the People's Republic were anticipating my arrival with glee. I was picked up from the airport and taken to my office on my first day in the country, before being taken around Beijing to survey my accommodation options. The people of Beijing greeted me with a spectacular light show that lasted for several nights. Although the weather was chilly, the mood was festive. Fireworks exploded throughout the city as a feeling of excitement resonated through the hearts of the people.

It was the Chinese New Year, and for me it was also a new country and a new job. Some prognosticators projected an increase in the number of Indo-Chinadian births in the next 9-21 months, while other pundits predicted that my coming would further solidify China's growth story and help revitalize the sluggish global economy. Whatever the outcome, the Year of the Ox will be an interesting one for all involved.

Three Scream

Chinese guy: Have you ever tried three scream?
Me: No, what's that?
Chinese guy: Take a baby mouse. Pick it up with your chopsticks. One scream. Dip it in sauce. Two scream. Put it in your mouth. Three scream.

Refresher Course

The earliest recorded post on ARNABlog was on June 7th, 2006. This was the day I graduated from Simon Fraser University (SFU) as a proud holder of a Bachelors of Science degree from the schools of Computing Science and Business Administration. As I specialized in Information Systems, it was actually a joint major in both these disciplines. I had the option of taking more difficult courses to obtain the BSc, or I could take easier ones and settle for a BBA.

I crisscrossed the globe in the next two and a half years, collecting a profusion of experiences and leaving behind a legacy of goodwill. I flew off to India, worked tirelessly for a year with Satyam, traveled to Europe, returned to Vancouver, found a job with ResponseTek, and took a few courses at Kwantlen Polytechnic University. I finally returned to the SFU Burnaby campus when the annual open house was held.

Eager students demonstrated their projects and explained why they were drawn to one field or another. The students had not changed much from my years, although the physical infrastructure had improved vastly. New buildings had popped up on the fringes of the university that I remembered. The bus stops were now covered, protecting today's students from the harsh elements of Burnaby Mountain. I also discovered that SFU had an impressive Museum of Archaeology and Ethnology, something I had never stumbled upon during my years as a scholar there.

*****

Refresher course definition: A course that reviews and updates a topic for those who have not kept abreast of developments.

Vaisakhi, Vancouver Style

In the month of Baisakh in 1699, the first Sikhs were baptized and became known as the Khalsa ("pure"). Vaisakhi is celebrated by Sikhs around the world every year as they come together to observe this occasion. Around the same time Bengali's celebrate their new year, Naba Barsha. The first time that crops can be harvested in the season also occurs around this time, so everyone is generally in a good mood.

In Vancouver, it is not just Sikhs who come to to celebrate Vaisakhi. Around 100,000 people showed up for the annual Vaisakhi parade in Vancouver's "Little India". Hymns were sung as part of the street procession, an activity called Nagar Kirtan. Main Street was filled with revelers who watched floats pass by as they munched on tasty snacks provided freely by the Sikh community. The food was as diverse as the parade participants, ranging from pakoras to pizzas. Among the local celebrities in attendance was photogenic TV personality Tamara Taggart, who waved at me.

*****

"Share our similarities, celebrate our differences." - M. Scott Peck

Amazigh

The indigenous tribes of North Africa go by many names. Berbers. Touareg. Moors. Imazighen. The term Berber stems from a variation of the Latin word "barbarian". Moor was also coined by Europeans to describe the invaders from North Africa. The Tuareg, a tribe within the Berber community, speaks the language Tamasheq. The tribesmen are famous for wearing their distinctive headgear and blue robes as they cross the Sahara. Imazighen translates to "free men", though this is not solely a reflection of their nomadic lifestyle as some settled near oases or in the mountains. Its singular form is Amazigh. As 2009 dawns, I too find myself a free man. Having exited from ResponseTek near the end of the previous calendar year, a whole new world of adventure and discovery awaits me in this one.

*****

All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom." - Albert Einstein

Arnab's Year in Cities, 2008

For an accomplished world traveler, there were only a handful of cities or towns that were graced with my preSENce overnight:

• Ait Ben Haddou, Morocco
• Marrakech, Morocco
• Ponce, Puerto Rico 
• Portland, USA
  
• San Juan, Puerto Rico
  
• Tazzarine, Morocco
  
• Vancouver, Canada
  

This list is part of an ongoing meme [from, via] cataloging places that I stayed in for one or more nights over the course of a year. An internet meme is a concept, idea, or belief that is transmitted from one source to another.

Under the Moroccan Sun

Morocco. It has been said that the rich heritage of Europe, Africa, and Arabia come together in this place. As a fusion of the cultures of the East and the West, I was intrigued by this crossroad to civilizations. On my flight into Marrakech I met with another solo traveler from Canada - Abby. After arriving at the airport and exchanging our dollars for dirhams, the Moroccan currency, we shared a taxi to her hotel in the new part of the city. I had booked no room in advance, so she joined me in my quest for a hotel. I wanted to be situated in the heart of the old city within the walled medina. We were told that it was a short walk from where we were. My target was Hotel Ali, as a friend had suggested it for its great location.

Forty five minutes later we walked through the gates into the old city. An intricate network of narrow lanes with even narrower alleys awaited us. Apart from foot traffic, scooters whizzed past us with only inches of separation between pedestrian and driver. Cars were rare as the roads were not wide enough to accommodate them. Small stalls lined the streets with spices, carpets, jewelry, crafts, and every day items on sale. Abby tried to take a photograph of a mountain of spices, but the shopkeeper frowned and wagged his finger, so she refrained.

I was tiring from carrying around my luggage under the Moroccan sun, so we stopped at Cafe Arabe for lunch. Reclining on a couch in the open air rooftop terrace, I sipped some iced mint tea (the national drink) and then ate a chicken tagine (the national dish) for rejuvenation. I determined my current position on a map and estimated the direction that I would have to walk to reach Hotel Ali. The minaret of the Koutoubia Mosque was my landmark. Towering over the other structures inside the old city, it could be seen from most points inside the medina. I could see that some distance yet remained.

ARNABurger

A burger is a special type of sandwich composed of a bottom bun, one or more patties (beef, chicken, fish, vegetable mishmash, etc), other secondary ingredients (cheese, bacon, tomato, pickle, etc), condiments (ketchup, mustard, etc), and a top bun. The bread, the patty, and the eater are usually circular in shape.

Vancouver has its fair share of burger joints. Vera's Burger Shack offers high quality burgers at a modest price. The BC Burger at White Spot is a personal favourite of mine. Fatburger, the "White Castle of the West", is not very impressive. Other outfits, namely Burger Heaven and Hamburger Mary's, offer an unique selection of meats including elk, kangaroo, and ox. Before shutting its doors to the public due to increasing costs, Wally's was another prominent figure in Vancouver's burger landscape.

A low price point and decent taste were Wally's hallmarks. A steady stream of people, some tearful regulars trading nostalgic tales and some just wanting to try it once while they have the chance, were in the line up. I was in the latter category, seizing a chance to savour this portion of Vancouver's burger lineup before it was removed from the roster.

On The Sails

The iconic sails of Canada Place become the backdrop for a dazzling Christmas flavoured light show during the holiday season. The multipurpose facility located on the city's waterfront contains a hotel, convention centre, Vancouver's original IMAX theatre, and a cruise ship terminal. A 15 minute stroll around Canada Place provides a refreshing breather from the daily grind. During the cruise season, glimpses can be caught of the minutiae of preparation (cleaning, loading, boarding, etc.) that the massive ships go through before each voyage.

Festive Spirit

Exactly a month before Christmas, hundreds of people gathered on the lawn of the Vancouver Art Gallery . It was time for the second annual lighting of a large Christmas tree in the city centre. Kevin Bieksa of the Vancouver Canucks had the honour of flicking the switch.

As the magical moment came near, the revelers counted down from 10 and watched the Christmas decorations come to life. It was a rather lacklustre ceremony, but all was forgiven as everyone was in a festive mood to mark the start of the holiday season.

RT: Year One

In September I completed my first anniversary of working diligently at ResponseTek (RT), an employer of mine. As a principal developer of the flagship Customer Experience Management (CEM) product and visionary founder of the Council of Office Lunches (COOL), I was given great responsibility and many learning opportunities at the organization. While helping ResponseTek grow as an organization, I also grew as an individual (includes net gain of 15 pounds over the year).

“You won't realize the distance you've walked until you take a look around and realize how far you've been.” - Anonymous

Some of the highlights during my time there:

People

• Good times with my friends and collegues at various events and gatherings, COOL and otherwise
  

“To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.” - Charles de Montesquieu

Projects

• A grand slam of feature packed quarterly releases (Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer)
  

“You will achieve grand dream, a day at a time, so set goals for each day / not long and difficult projects, but chores that will take you, step by step, toward your rainbow. Write them down, if you must, but limit your list so that you won't have to drag today's undone matters into tomorrow. Remember that you cannot build your pyramid in twenty-four hours. Be patient. Never allow your day to become so cluttered that you neglect your most important goal / to do the best you can, enjoy this day, and rest satisfied with what you have accomplished.” - Og Mandino

Processes

• Introduced valuable documentation practices into the organization

“Aspire rather to be a hero than merely appear one.” - Baltasar Gracian

Iona of Solace

On Good Friday, a paladin of the people was seeking a moment of peace. I would find it at Iona Beach Regional Park in Richmond. It features a massive sewage pipe stretching into the ocean. There was no stench emanating from the sewer, so my nostrils enjoyed the natural scent of the sea as I walked on top of it. Around 4 km in length, I completed the round trip in two grueling hours.

It was quite chilly, so I did not break a sweat during the strenuous walk. The breeze wafted through my hair, as the wind flowed languidly around my aerodynamic form and into the Straight of Georgia. I was one of the few people on the jetty apart from a handful of birdwatchers, joggers, dog walkers, and cyclists. 300 species of birds reside in the area.

The North Shore can be seen in the distant and Vancouver Island on the horizon. Fantastic views of the Vancouver International Airport were afforded from the jetty. Planes flew overhead as I strolled along the pebbled surface. There were a few Plexiglas shelters along the way where I rested. A sewage treatment facility and an outhouse lie at the end. Upon arrival I made a significant contribution to the complex ecosystem, gazed at the open skies, and then headed back.

Shady Business

I was meeting a friend so that we could visit the newly opened Starlight Casino in Queensborough. One of the restaurants there had been recommended. As I was getting into my friend's car I viciously collided into the side door frame of his vehicle. A *crack* sound resonated through the September sky. It was not my head that had been split in two, but my spectacles. The left arm had snapped cleanly off the rest of the frame.

I had misjudged the height of the vehicle, believing it to be of regular height when in fact it was quiet low. The collision caused no damage to the offending car, so no insurance claims were filed. The impact was strong enough to cause severe damage to my eyewear. My friend laughed with unabandonded glee at my misfortune for several minutes straight. He even phoned some of our other friends to tell them of my mishap, tears forming under his eyes as he shook uncontrollably whilst recounting the incident. Several more bursts of laughter followed, his mirth untouched by compassion for his fellow man.

The only store in the vicintiy selling glasses was Wal-Mart. I showed the optician my new pair of monocles and asked if he could fuse them together. He studied them carefully before coming to the conclusion that he could not. He scotch-taped them together, but they soon dislocated. At the restaurant I could not read the menu or see my food properly, relying on my other senses for guidance. We then went to another friend's house where I was barely able to watch the debut of the new version of 90210 on television.

I would have to wear sunglasses indoors and out for many days thereafter until my new glasses arrived.

The Pursuit of Happiness

The importance of tasty food and natural beauty can never be overemphasized when gauging the general level of happiness experienced by the people of a city, province, or country. I celebrated British Columbia Day by going to Vancouver's tastiest vegeterian buffet. Saravana Bhavan is a worldwide chain of restaurants serving South Indian staples offering a "synergy of taste and quality". While the quality of the food at the Vancouver branch is comparable to average fare available anywhere in India, it vaults into the upper echelon of Indian restaurants in the city. I had several dosas and finished my meal with a cup of filtered coffee.

I headed off to Charleston Park near Granville Island after my lunch. The park is a haven of the rich, both in accumulated capital and leisure time. It offers a grand view of the False Creek skyline, with the residential condominiums that have sprung up across the waterway in Yaletown serving as a backdrop. Yachts are docked along the shoreline, beautiful women are tanning, and ducks are floating in the pond in this idyllic locale.

***

“There is no such thing as the pursuit of happiness, but there is the discovery of joy” - Joyce Grenfell

Short Tracked

The Pacific Coliseum will be hosting short track speed skating events during the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Winter Games. The Vancouver stage of the ISU World Cup Short Track competition was held as a test event for the venue. Learning experience taken from this competition can be applied to the big show so that everything runs as smoothly as possible when 2010 rolls along. Every detail from how the event was organized to the track conditions on ice to the performance of the ice miesters will be painstakingly analyzed to see what can be improved.

Only the lower bowl was opened to the public, with a surprisingly large concentration of Koreans. The rest of the fans had Canadian, American, Chinese, and Japanese origins. Skaters from these nationalities were also the ones in medal contention. There were individual men's and women's races of 500, 1000, and 1500 meters and men's and women's relays of 3000 and 5000 meters. Canada finished with a medal count of 6 (1 gold, 3 silver, and 2 bronze). They narrowly missed out on a gold in the exciting grand finale of the show. Apollo Ohno, the world's most famous short track skater, powered the US team to the slimmest of victories over the Canadians. The fetching female skaters wore form fitting outfits made of cut resistant material. I refrained from doing the same, maintaining a low profile throughout the competition so as not to affect the results.

***

"That's the beauty of our sport. On any given Sunday, anybody can win." - Apollo Ohno

Sinkhole

The third longest underground river in the world runs through Puerto Rico. The Rio Camuy is covered by an intricate system of caves. Currently the public is not allowed into the caves to see the subterranean spectacle, but other wonders await within the Parque de las Cavernas del Rio Camuy. There are two massive sinkholes in the area. The larger one, Tres Pueblos Sinkhole, is 400 feet deep and 650 feet in diameter. A trolley takes tourists around the sinkhole, stopping in each quadrant for a different view of the gaping void and the river below. Early inhabitants of Puerto Rico used the site as a garbage dump, since they could just toss rubbish into the basin and it disappeared from sight. Now the Rio Camuy Caves Park is a protected area.

The Spiral Sinkhole is smaller and more accessible by foot. A staircase has been built that allows visitors to descend the 200 steps into a lost world. The flora and fauna differs vastly from the world above. A glimpse into a foreboding cavern is available from near the bottom of the sinkhole. Hundreds of bats can be seen, heard, and smelt, hanging from the roof of the cave.

***

“I am much mistaken, however, if he has not fine strata in his nature. He is capable of rising to heights as well as of sinking to depths.” - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, author of The Lost World

Roaches

Apart from mosquitoes and birds, my third main nemesis in India was the cockroach. No matter how many I disposed of, dozens would spring up to replace their fallen brethren. Many came into direct contact with the soles of my sandals. Others were coated with toxic subtances emitted by cans of bug spray. Some were flushed down the drain, swirling into oblivion. The objectionable creatures were resilient, surviving even after taking considerable punishment. They hid in my cabinet and under my bed, in the shower and under my bedsheets. They lived in my room and in my nightmares. Being an amicable fellow, I never deliberately hunted them down. Our coexistence was peaceful until they disturbed my serenity. They would rear their ugly heads when I least expected it, forcing me into taking defensive measures for the protection of my sanity.

Studies have shown that the antibodies needed to fight of cocroach allergens makes people more susceptible to asthma and other allergies. They are the ultimate survivors, having randomized escape patterns so that their enemies cannot predict their trajectories. Most horrific of all were the cockroaches that could fly. Combining their powers of indestructibiliy with airborne capabilities, they made for a very formidable foe. The epic struggle escalated. Usually every room in an India room has at least one resident gecko responsible for insect control. I enlisted the aid of these little lizards called 'tik-tikis'. They thoroughly enjoyed munching on the disgusting critters. 

Incredible !ndia

While crossing the street in front of my office building in Vancouver, I noticed an interesting message plastered on a public bus passing by. "Not all Indians are polite, hospitable and vegeterian" it boldly stated.

 

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/eyalnow/ 

The punchline was the picture of a Bengal tiger underneath staring right back. The Government of India's Ministry of Tourism promotes the nation through the Incredible !ndia campaign. This eye catching advertisement was a step in the right direction for marketing one of the world's premier tourist destinations.

Gone KRAZY!

Although I am a fine piece of art I had never been inside the Vancouver Art Gallery (VAG). An opportune time to visit presented itself when an exhibit showcasing the "Delirious World of Anime + Comics + Video Games + Art" arrived at the establishment. On Tuesday nights, the VAG has extended hours and entry is by donation. I made a generous one to secure my entry to the KRAZY! attraction. The celebration of visual culture was named after the comic strip Krazy Kat.

There was a half an hour guided tour through the exhibit which provided a high level abstract of the different forms of art on display. Photography was not permitted within. After the tour ended, I went through the displays again more thoroughly. A small library had a collection of comic books available for reading, while another hall had anime classics projected on to the wall. Anime and manga are Japanese cartoons and comics respectively, and they have gained a large fan following around the world. I played Pac Man for the first time in a room containing playable versions of gaming consoles from different eras. Graphic novels and animation are visual forms of storytelling and artistry that are evolving at a rapid pace, and the KRAZY! exhibition strongly demonstrated the potential of the diverse media.

The Arecibo Observatory

Amidst the dense jungle around Arecibo, a gigantic structure faces skyward. Puerto Rico is home to the world's largest radio telescope at the Arecibo Observatory. It peers into space, seeking answers to man's questions about the cosmos. Falling under the auspices of Cornell University, the celestial observer has been seen in films such as GoldenEye and Contact. A thousand feet in diameter, the awe inspiring instrument is used by scientists from all over the world for research purposes. The dish does not move, only the receiver. The antenna can be positioned in any angle as it slide along a cable far above the spherical reflector. SETI@Home relies on observational data provided by the Arecibo Observatory in its search for extraterrestrial intelligence.

In operation from 1963, the telescope can be used during the day or night. Its visitor center is only open during the day though. It has a small science museum, a theatre, and an observation deck from which the public can view the giant device. The film that describes a day in the life of the observatory is an interesting watch for the scientifically inclined. Only professionals are allowed to walk on the on the tiled surface of the reflective dish. Special footwear, resembling snowshoes, are required to traverse its near 40,000 aluminum panels.

Notre Dame and the Latin Quarter

I visited the Notre Dame de Paris on my second day in the city, and met up with an outspoken Frenchman named Jacques there. We had worked together in Bangalore. Undergoing restoration for the past several years, the landmark Gothic cathedral still maintains its historic appearance even as many aspects of it have been modernized. The famous bells of Notre Dame are now rung by a motor, so a hunchback is no longer necessary to ring them manually. I walked in and around "Our Lady". Independent of my presence within it, the church contained a massive organ. It has around 7800 pipes and is fully computerized.

Jacques then took me to the Latin Quarter, a lively area full of restaurants. Located near several universities, the name of the district is derived from Europe's ancient language of learning. I enjoyed a donair at a food stall owned by South Indians. Jacques introduced me to the wonder that is Orangina. The carbonated beverage is a mix of several varieties of citrus. The French soft drink has high juice and orange pulp content, and I immediately became a fan. We went to a grocery store to pick up a large bottle before. Several drinks later we bade farewell.

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"When a man understands the art of seeing, he can trace the spirit of an age and the features of a king even in the knocker on a door." - The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo

Pride

A friend of mine was leaving town so a goodbye dinner was scheduled for her on a Friday night. After wrapping up at work for the week I found myself with an hour to spare before I would rendezvous with my friends. The Vancouver Pride Parade was scheduled for that weekend. Parts of Davie Street, the heart of the city's gay district, had been closed to motorized traffic so that the "Big Night Out" street festival could take place.

I wandered the area, looking dazzling and attracting admiring gazes. Mayoral candidates were also out and about trying to gain favour with the community. A beer garden and a stage featuring musical performances had been set up. Beautiful men, muscular women, and others spanning the diverse spectrum of humanity were present. Almost 400,000 people attended the parade that Sunday, making it one of Vancouver's largest public events.

Finn Slough

On the south arm of the Fraser River lies one of the Greater Vancouver region's most unique communities. Finn Slough is a part of Richmond, but it has a character all its own. A slough (pronounced 'slew') is a marshy place or a side channel of a river. Finns are people hailing from Finland. A group of them first settled in this wetland area in the late 1800's. They built their homes by the dykes of the Fraser, fishing for a living. They could sail to the front door of their houses, which are built upon stilts or float with the tidal waves.

Nowadays many of the historic houses are in a state of disrepair. Some are still inhabited. Nature has also started to reclaim boats that lie abandoned in the marsh. the isolated community smoothly coexists with its surrounding environs, but its future is up in the air as the prospect of urbanization looms.