Dance Wance

Me: This year I need to find a job, meet a girl, get some muscles, and learn how to dance.

Pretty Chinese Girl: The dance is impossible.

Me: Why!? Maybe it is hidden inside of me somewhere...

PCG: Must be very deep inside then.

Handsome & Judgmental

Pretty Chinese Girl: You always say white man, black man, pretty girl, ugly girl. You are very judgmental. 

Me: Handsome judgmental man.

PCG: Handsome does not belong anywhere near you!

Horse

Pretty Chinese Girl: Wow! Your nose holes are enormous. Just like a horse!

Me: That’s not the only thing that’s like a horse.

PCG: The nose holes must take forever to clean.

Me: Or many fingers…

PCG: At least two can fit inside at once!

A Difference of Opinion

I had a layover in Shanghai, and briefly met up with a Chinese girl who I knew from my Beijing days.

Pretty Chinese Girl: You are still short! Hahaha.

Me: Well… I am tall in China.

PCG: You look same as before but half your hair is gone.

Me: Yes, because of the water in China.

PCG: Do not blame everything on China.

Me: I am skinnier though.

PCG: You look older.

Me: You mean skinnier and younger?

PCG: No, older.

Me: Younger?

PCG: Do you want to hear my real thought or do you want just I repeat your opinion?

Conversations with Cabbies: Are you Married?

Filipinos are a very warm and friendly lot, and not just in comparison to Koreans (as then almost everyone else would also qualify). Whereas the average Korean is mute when in the vicinity of a non-Korean or if their smartphone still has battery life left, Filipinos are quite talkative. They have curiosity and some awareness of the world around them, especially because a lot of them have worked overseas or know family and friends that have done so. The cab drivers in the Philippines frequently engaged me in conversation.

Cab driver: Are you married?

Me: No, are you?

Cab driver: Yes, two.

Me: Two?

Cab driver: Yes.

Me: You have two children?

Cab driver: No, two wives. 

Me: Oh, I don’t even have one.