October 31, 2006

Saucy Seconds

For the second time in as many months my Arnab Sense failed me, and again I was the unknowing victim of an aerial assault. I only noticed the malodorous kernels once I had sat down and my hand had skimmed a gooey substance. I discovered a partially dry beige stain on my right pant leg. Previously, I had disregarded the stench as that of the sweaty locals, my own ArnabBO, or a potent combination thereof. It must be mentioned that ArnaBO (Body Odor) is most effective in neutralizing the raw attractive force generated by the ArnaBeard. Following the advice of my elders who had informed me that heavenly bombardment is a blessed event after the previous incident, I wore the same pants for the rest of the day.


Advice on ARNABride from a concerned citizen: "You have to find the girl who you can always want to take care of her because you so so like her."

October 11, 2006

I'm Not Your Mom

Female Korean flatmate (no longer beguiled by my masculine charms): Like you know, I’m not your mom who have to do everything for you.

Maid in Hyderabad

At my Hyderabad house, not to be confused with the restaurant Hyderabad House where I partake in some delightful biryani, we employed the services of an old and rather useless maid. Her daily routine consisted of clearing out all the empty cans, glasses, and bottles she could find in the flat and then getting a refund for it. Dishes were halfheartedly washed, the floor was swept once a month, and the bathroom was ignored altogether. With heavy hearts, my roommates and I decided to terminate her employment and acquire a new maid. After heated debate, we settled on a teenager/young adult who lived in our garage. Very enthusiastic at the prospect of regular employment, the new maid regularly made us tea, folded my clothes, made my bed, etc...

As was the case with the previous one, this maid also did not speak a word of English or Hindi, knowing only Telugu. Communication occurred primarily in the form of hand gestures and facial expressions (of which I have a limited repertoire), but was largely successful. When she appeared at the doorstep decked out in her finest traditional Indian clothing on the day of the Ganesh festival and kept asking if I wanted her to sweep the floor, it was easy to determine that she was asking for a day off. The occasional misunderstanding did occur though, such as when my flatmate from Dubai could not locate his CD collection. He queried the maid for the whereabouts of his media, but the maid confused his question for an accusation of theft. For the next few days she had a sad face containing evidence of heavy tearfall. The source of her misery was deduced through masterful interpretation of linguistic nuances, and the Telugu speaking landlord was asked to speak to her and clarify the situation.