Once Upon a Restaurant in China

I spot a restaurant in China that looks like it serves tasty food and take a seat inside. After being offered someone else's bill, a look of bafflement, and a pack of cigarettes, I finally receive a menu. A piece of paper with Chinese writing and a sauce stain is provided to me. The waiter stares at me with piercing eyes, darting impatiently from side to side. 60% of the dishes on the menu are not available. "Don't have, don't have." drones the waiter, distaste dripping from his mouth at my ignorance of the state of the current food inventory at his place of work. I look at what the other customers are eating and point at the items I want, the waiter's blank stare not revealing whether I have made myself understood.

I order a starter, one meat dish, and a bowl of rice. It is hot outside so I cannot ask for a glass of water, as that only comes in the piping hot variety and I need something cool and refreshing. I am brought a room temperature bottle of beer. It is left unopened and I am not given a glass. Soon my main course arrives, followed 45 minutes later by the appetizer, and 5 minutes later by my bowl of rice. I try to explain that I need a plate or bowl to eat from, and am finally provided with some napkins and a glass. The next attempt brings forth chopsticks, and I begin my meal eating directly from the large dishes.

The ratio of staff to customers is 1:2 but most of the workers are clustered into groups chatting with each other or solitary types who are often found to be staring into space. It is hard to attract the attention of a waiter without yelling at them, but that is not my style. Sometimes there is a glimmer of recognition that I am motioning for them, but after 15 minutes have passed I realize that this is not the case. Eventually, the staff all sit down at a nearby table and start eating their meal. One notices that I am still trying to attract their attention. I ask for the bill and am given the menu. I ask for the bill and am given a toothpick. I ask for the bill and am given another bottle of beer. I ask for the bill and am given the bill. The figures are within a reasonable range of my estimates. Similar to when I ordered food I am under pressure now. The waiter hovers near me, fixing me with another impatient stare as I struggle to provide exact change. I decide to give him a 100 RMB note instead. Still eyeing me suspiciously, the waiter holds up the note and examines it to see if it is counterfeit before walking back to the counter to retrieve my change.

*****

"It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter." ~ Don Herold

Going Dutch

As part of my Eurotrip, I caught a train in France that crossed Belgium to get to Holland. I dropped off my luggage in Eindhoven, where  former Bangalore roommate Stein lived. Eindhoven is more a residential city than a tourist one, with its claim to fame being that the electronics manufacturer Philips was founded there in 1891. We headed to his university town of Maastricht, which claims to be the oldest city in the Netherlands. Roman fortifications, churches, and public squares abound. As with many European towns it feels like a living museum. We enjoyed some cognac at his college buddy's pad before heading back to Eindhoven.

The next day we went to the Hague or Den Haag as the locals refer to it. Although not the capital of the Netherlands it is the seat of government and plays an important role in international politics. Home to the International Court of Justice and over 150 other global organizations, the Hague bills itself as the legal capital of the world. After traipsing past some parliamentary buildings and estates of the nobility, we caught a tram to the nearby seaside resort of Scheveningen.

Stein was about to begin a new job and his company had provided him with an apartment in Scheveningen. We walked around the the most visited beach town in the Benelux region until we located it. He had not yet received the keys to his house, so we perused it from outside before heading to the coast and enjoying the windswept sands of the Dutch coastline.

*****

“Whenever I found out anything remarkable, I have thought it my duty to put down my discovery on paper, so that all ingenious people might be informed thereof.”
- Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Dutch biologist

One Country, Two Systems

I had come to China with a double entry business visa. Each entry could last 45 days. Although I could stay for 3 months in total within the country, I had to leave and reenter during some point. Despite being reunified with the mainland over a decade ago, Hong Kong or Macau are treated as distinct entities. I would be crossing international borders to visit them, so for the purposes of my visa it would qualify as leaving the country.

Hong Kong and Macau are Special Administrative Regions (SAR) of the People's Republic of China. The former British and Portuguese outposts retain their distinct charm while embracing the opportunities provided to them by a modern China. Falling under the "one country, two systems" principle originally proposed by Deng Xiaoping, they maintain most of their past political and economic autonomy. The policy will remain in place for 50 years from the time of their respective handovers in 1997 and 1999, as was agreed with the United Kingdom and Portugal when China regained sovereignty over these territories. I spent five relaxing days in the SARs before returning to China.

*****

"The future comes one day at a time." ~ Dean Acheson

Arnab and the Sedin

Henrik Sedin led the NHL in scoring and captured the Hart Memorial Trophy as the league's most valuable player for the 2009-2010 season. Before his breakout year he was mostly known for being identical twins and lifetime linemates with his brother Daniel Sedin. Taken one spot after Daniel in the 1999 National Hockey League Draft by the Vancouver Canucks, he was supposed to be the playmaker while his brother was to be the scorer. He came face to face with another rising star in 2008 when he crossed paths with me.

Source: Canucks Army

I had just left my job at ResponseTek and was about to embark on my oriental oddysey. I met him in GM Place, the home of the Canucks. Preparations were under way for Vancouver fan favourite Trevor Linden's retirement ceremony. His #16 jersey was to be raised to the rafters the follwong night, so no one was allowed onto the skating surface of the arena as rehearsals were taking place. We chatted briefly outside the team dressing room and posed for some photographs, before I was herded off to the press room and he went off to do some exercises.

*****

"A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be." ~ Wayne Gretzky

ARNABarbie

Barbie celebrated her 50th anniversary in style in 2009. More than just a doll, Barbie is a brand that has evolved with the times. The bikini wearing bimbo has had many careers, ranging from flight attendant to surgeon. The leggy blonde with the perfect figure is popular across the planet. Her dull boyfriend Ken is not.

Although Barbie was only introduced to the People's Republic ten years ago and I only arrived last year, China has embraced both pop culture icons wholeheartedly. The fashionable figurine staged an exhibition in the World Art Musuem near the China Millenium Monument to commerate five decades of existence. Scores of kids and adults alike came to marvel at the thousands of variations of the plastic girl on display. I, of course, was one of them.

*****

“To me, fair friend, you never can be old,
For as you were when first your eye I eyed,
Such seems your beauty still.”
~ William Shaksepeare

ARNABites

I cook very rarely. If I have to, it means that I have no family, friends, or females around who will make me food or go to a restaurant to eat with me. On the rare occasions that I do enter the kitchen, I am sure to deliver a feast unmatched in taste and texture, untried by the common chef, and untainted by prior cooking experience. I use a combination of heating techniques such as baking, microwaving, burning, grilling, boiling, and toasting to prepare the courses. A pathfinder in the culinary arts, I deliver dishes that the world has not seen before. Since I only cook for myself and never repeat a dish nor write down a recipe, I capture the moments of edible euphoria on camera.

*****

"One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating." ~ Luciano Pavarotti

The Largest City in the World

Chongqing was the provisional capital of China during the years of the Sino-Japanese war. Since then it has evolved into the nation's most prosperous inland city, famed both for its hot pot and its hot women. The central government carved the city out from the province of Sichuan, putting it in the same heady company as the other three directly controlled municipalities of Beijng, Tianjin, and Shanghai. The largest city on Earth based on the surface area it covers, Chongqing is spread around the confluence of the Yangzi and Jialing Rivers. The city state is the size of Austria and boasts 32 million inhabitants.

I flew from Beijing to Chongqing on October 1st, shortly after the the skies were reopened to commercial traffic following the 60th Anniversary Parade of the People's Republic. I visited the lavish Three Gorges Museum, the intriguing Planning Exhibition Gallery depicting the grand plans for Chongqing's future, and the Arhat Temple. Its rolling hills were a welcome change to the flat terrain of most Chinese cities, but the level of pollution was on par with the coastal megapolises. The sky and the river were similar shades of brown, and I spent only a few days there before heading of to the wilderness in Yunnan.

*****

"The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it doesn't matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark." ~ Barbara Hall

Yangshuo

One of the most frequently asked but hardest questions to answer for women in China is "Why don't you shave your armpits?". For me, that question has been "What is your favourite place that you have visited in China?". Usually I mutter a list that includes some of the recent places I have visited, but ostensibly it includes Yangshuo. The limestone paradise is located in the Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region.

Reachable from Guilin via road or river, Yangshuo is extremely popular among travelers but not overwhelmed by them. From spectacular scenery to hot air ballooning to tai chi lessons to 18 year old Chinese girls who want to practice their "Business English", the tourist haven of Yangshuo has something for everyone. Skirting the Li River, Yangshuo is surrounded by unique karst formations. Many people rent a bicycle and take a ride to the neighbouring villages. I took a bus.

Weather permitting, a folk musical is performed on the river every night. The water show is the brainchild of world renowned director Zhang Yimou, the man behind Hero and the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. I spent almost four days in  Yangshuo, but the water level was too high for the performance to take place safely.

*****

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple." ~ Dr. Suess

The Persecution of the ARNABeard

Afflicted with pogonophobia from an early age due to a diet free of follicly gifted men, the vast majority of Chinese girls get the the chills when they see a man with facial hair. One day, I walked onto the street with a coworker. She immediately noticed that she did not have my undivided attention. Following my appreciative gaze, she deduced the source of my distraction.

"Look, so many beautiful girls all around..." she murmured.

"But none of them can speak English." I lamented.

"Have you ever considered that they aren't the problem? That you are!"

"Eh?" I sneered, one of my eyebrows arching upward.

"You should shave your beard!"

***

"You look like a bonobo!" squealed another Chinese girl, referring to the endangered great apes of Africa.

***

"Don't worry, you are still a good human being person." a Korean girl said comfortingly, after I told her about the persecution of the ARNABeard in China.

***

Ceding to popular sentiment, I finally shaved off my magnificent mane one night. The ARNABeard had been tamed, but not for long. Virile to the core, I sported stubble by the next morning. Nonetheless, my 5 o'clock shadow was appreciated by the local beauties far more than the resplendent glory of the thick yet well groomed masterpiece that had previously decorated my face.

***

"There is always a period when a man with a beard shaves it off. This period does not last. He returns headlong to his beard." ~ Jean Cocteau

Shanghai Buddhas

There are a couple of interesting Buddhist temples in Shanghai. The Jade Buddha Temple has multiple admission levels - one to enter the temple, one to see the jade statues, and one to watch the fish swimming in the stream behind. After paying the initial entrance fee, the security guard eyed my friend Barry and I suspiciously. We lurked around the entrance, hoping to catch a glimpse of the famed jade statue as a group of cell phone wielding monks passed by.

The Temple of Peace and Tranquility looked brand new and was attached to a shopping mall. In the courtyard stood a large vase. Visitors tried to throw coins into it for good luck. Most people missed, as the coins glanced off the exterior, clattered onto the cement, and rolled away. We observed one lady who collected all these coins and pocketed the loose change. To divert attention from her insidious actions, every once in a while she performed a mock coin toss that missed horribly. She collected my daily wage in coins in the 15 minutes that we observed her. We moved on to Yuyuan Gardens. The well manicured property is one of the the more pleasant areas amidst the steel and concrete of the modern metropolis.

***

"There is no fire like passion, there is no shark like hatred, there is no snare like folly, there is no torrent like greed." ~ Buddha

The Olympic Flame

A cross country Olympic Torch relay culminated in the hockey god known as Wayne Gretzky being revealed as the final torchbearer of the Vancouver 2010 Winter Games. The opening ceremonies were held under the domed roof of BC Place Stadium, so the Olympic Flame was to be lit in a separate outdoor location for the first time. As Prometheus stole fire from Zeus and presented it to mortals, so too did the Great One as he ignited the Olympic Cauldron to the cheers of thousands.

Unfortunately, a chain link fence was quickly erected around the site of the Olympic Flame. This was to prevent visitors from being engulfed in the flames if they got too close. Inaccessible to the public, it was hard to get an obstructed view of the flames flickering against the night sky. The unwashed masses jockeyed for position in front of a hole in the fence, so they could capture a clear snapshot of the cauldron without being incinerated.

*****

"A mighty flame followeth a tiny spark." ~ Dante Alighieri

Salad Days

"I don't see this 'ballooning' weight. However, I know FOR A FACT that drinking 1 million sugar-packed juice boxes and other similar beverages, and 3 days a week worth of fruit (although natural sugar, still sugar) is INCREDIBLEY fattening. If I did that I would 'balloon' as well… you should try giving up the juice boxes and drink a lot of water, and instead of only doing fruit try and have a nice complex salad and one piece of fruit on those days. I can guarantee you will notice significant changes in your weight and how you feel!" exclaimed my beautiful secretary to me.

She provided the friendly advice after I complained that I was going through a period of significant ARNABloating at ResponseTek. After shedding some extra pounds in India following the infamous Satyam Diet, I had started re-inflating my spare tire at my job back in Vancouver. With a world of dining options in the downtown core, I explored a new restaurant every day. The possibilities were limitless - Monday sushi, Tuesday fish and chips, Wednesday pizza, Thursday burger, Friday burrito!

After my secretary's sound salad advice, I tried alternating salad and eating out for a couple of weeks. I bought a large bag of salad into the office and left it in the freezer. On the first day it tasted fine, although incredibly bland. I could not add dressing as that would neutralize the health benefits of eating the salad. After a few bits of vegetable accidentally fell into my cup of hot chocolate, I tried mixing the salad with chocolate milk to add some flavour but the results were unsatisfactory. Two days later when I returned to the refrigerator to retrieve my salad it was completely soggy. It had become frozen solid while in the freezer and then thawed out in the fridge, leaving it a wet inedible mess. Despite good intentions, my salad experiment had ended in failure.

*****

"You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100." ~ Woody Allen

The Sport of Kings

The thoroughbred was met with silence as he entered the race track. I looked around and noticed the audience was largely made up of senior citizens who were there to gamble away their retirement savings and government pensions. Through the centuries, the popularity of the equestrian sport has always been tied to betting on its outcome. I took a seat in the grandstand right in front of the finish line. The tag line of Vancouver's Hastings Racecourse is "Bred for Excitement", but I had no idea what to anticipate in my first live horse race.

With one devastating injury all that separates them from life and death, the careers of race horses are thankless and short lived. They are given mildly amusing monikers such as "Hoof Hearted" and "Gotta Pee". The horses were escorted to their starting gates where they calmly took their position. A shot rang out and they were off, their powerful legs picking up speed as they galloped around the race course. The diminutive jockeys did their best to guide the noble steeds to the finish line, but only one would feel the thrill of victory.

*****

“A horse never runs so fast as when he has other horses to catch up and outpace.”
~ Ovid ~

Mont Saint-Michel

While spending a week in France in the summer of 2007, I took two day trips. One was to see the famous gardens at Versaille and the other was to the abbey at Mont Saint-Michel. One kilometer off the coast of Normandy lies the rocky islet of Mont Saint-Michel, rising sharply out of the Atlantic Ocean. At the prodding of the Archangel Michael, the bishop of Avranches founded the fortress-like monastery in 708 AD. It could only be reached by a natural land bridge at low tide, but would be protected from intruders at high tide.

The history of Saint Michael's Mount is filled with strife. It appears in the Bayeux Tapestry, which depicts the Norman conquest of England. During the Hundred Years War, the English met with repeated failure in their attempts to seize the island. The French Revolution saw the fortified abbey converted into a prison due to the high security nature of the compound. With the help of Victor Hugo, the site was restored as a national monument in the late 1800's.

 *****

"I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all."
~ Ecclesiastes 9:11 ~

Shaolin Temple

The Shaolin Monks had fascinated me from an early age, even before I watched them perform live in Vancouver. The acrobatic warrior monks were from a far off land shrouded in mystery. In reality, life is much more mundane at the Shaolin Temple than I had imagined it to be. In 464 AD an Indian monk had come to China to spread the Buddhist faith. He did not speak for nine years and made a hole in a wall with his eyes. After that, he established the Shaolin order of priests. These priests were also well versed in the martial arts. Under the watchful guidance of their masters, repetitive and rigorous training is undertaken by hundreds of youth until the requisite skills are mastered.

The most interesting part of the trip was getting there. From Beijing I took a fast train to Zhengzhou, a bustling transit hub and capital of Henan. After lunch I caught a bus to Dengfeng, the nearest town to the Shaolin Temple. From there a minibus had to be taken to the monastery. Stuffed to the brim with passengers, all the standees suddenly fell flat to the ground after the conductor barked something. I looked out and saw that we were passing the police station. The extra passengers had to hide from view so that it would appear the minibus was not carrying too many riders.

*****

“My imagination is a monastery and I am its monk.” ~ John Keats

ARNABarbershop

In a country where meeting a fluent English speaker is only slightly less difficult than finding a good driver, I get by mostly with sign language, grunts, pointing, head nods, and artistic skills. One of the hardest things is to communicate with barbers on how I want my hair cut -"Same style, but shorter". A couple of times a Chinese friend accompanied me and explained to the barber what I wanted. On several other occasions, I would explain my desires over the phone to a Chinese speaker and then hand it over to the hairstylist so that the instructions could be relayed onwards.

I decreased my reliance on others even though my Chinese skills did not improve. I started indicating the length of hair I wanted remaining on my head by showing the gap between my thumb and forefinger. I then made a "bzzzzzzzzzzz" noise to suggest the use of a trimmer for my sideburns and the back of my head. This met with limited success. When a barber tried to buzz the top of my head off, I quickly fled the scene. I do not have a preferred barbershop, because the turnover rate is quite high and there is no guarantee a capable hairstylist will be found twice at the same location. Nowadays, I just find out the price of the haircut and sit down. The barber does the rest.

*****

"There's many a man has more hair than wit." ~ William Shakespeare

Karst Country

It was a gloomy day, but spirits were high as we set sail on the Li River. On the bus to the ferry terminal, I had met two Spaniards and an American who were also on their way from Guilin to the sleepy riverside town of Yangshuo. Dozens of Chinese tourists joined us for the cruise before returning to the big city the same day, while we remained behind in tiny Yangshuo. Midway through the cruise I spotted two men on a bamboo raft approaching our ferry. I thought they were pirates and prepared myself accordingly. They had actually come to sell souvenirs to the ship's passengers.

A large tributary of the Yangtze, the Li River is famous for its karst formations. The jagged peaks line the river, each bend revealing scenery more spectacular than the previous. Karsts are formed over thousands of years, as rainwater combines with carbon dioxide to dissolve bedrock into intricate patterns. The Li River is spectacular enough to warrant a place among China's currency hall of fame, appearing on the back of the 20 RMB note.

*****

“If my ship sails from sight, it doesn't mean my journey ends, it simply means the river bends.” ~ John Enoch Powell

Last Bus to Shangri-La

Darkness had encroached by the time I arrived in Shangri-La on the last bus of the day. I was completely soaked from my rain filled adventure in Tiger Leaping Gorge. My backpack was ripped beyond repair. Shivering with cold, I walked in to town holding my damaged rucksack and wet articles of clothing in my arms. Although the temperature was several degrees above zero, I could feel the Himalayan chill permeating my rain ravaged body. My first order of business was bargaining with the local shopkeepers for a coat to replace my wet one. I negotiated from a position of weakness, but still walked away with a satisfactorily priced jacket with the words 'Jack Wolfskin' emblazoned upon it. The old town consists of only a few streets, so I found my hostel with relative ease and dropped off my few remaining belongings there. I filled my stomach with some yak meat at a Tibetan diner and called it a night.

The next morning I rose early, purchased a backpack, and wandered the streets. It dawned on me that Shangri-La resembled a movie set more than an actual town, with saloons, shops selling trinkets, and Tibetan temples alternating in an almost predictable fashion. In fact, the town I was in had been known as Zhongdian until 2001. It was renamed after the mythical Shangri La from James Hilton's novel Lost Horizon to attract more tourists. The modern day Shangri La still has a certain charm to it, and I enjoyed my few days there before heading off to Dali.

*****

"I think I'm going to like it here." ~ Robert Conway, Lost Horizon

Naval Gazing

China has a rich seafaring history, reaching its pinnacle 600 years ago during the Ming Dynasty. Under the leadership of the legendary admiral Zheng He, a fleet of 300 vessels and 30,000 men ruled the seven seas. Soon after the emperor curbed maritime activites for reasons unbeknownst. China did not become a naval power again until recent times. Tracing the history of the Chinese People's Navy from 1949 to present day, the Qingdao Naval Musuem has a comprehensive collection of warships, airplanes, and tanks. It also boasts the only Chinese military submarine that regular citizens can go inside of.

*****

"Yellow River over blue water." ~ Roderick MacFarquhar

Sporting Beijing

Beijing has established itself as a major sporting city after hosting the 2008 Summer Olympics. It is an important strategic stop in the circuits of the world's premier professional sporting organizations as they seek to enhance their popularity in the largely untapped Chinese market. I went to a variety of tournaments and exhibitions in the calendar year, witnessing:

• Michael Schumacher edge out Jenson Button and David Coulthard in the Race of Champions which pits racers from different motoring backgrounds against each other in the Bird's Nest;
• Lazio beat fan favourites Inter Milan in the Italian Super Cup final in the same cavernous venue;
• Novak Dokovic, Andy Roddick, and Svetlana Kuznetsova smash forehands in the National Tennis Center in the frequently rain delayed finals of the China Open;
• West Ham United, Tottenham Hotspurs, and Hull City of the English Premier League battle the local Beijing Gouan team for the right to hoist the Barclays Asia Trophy at Workers Stadium

*****

"I always turn to the sports section first.  The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page has nothing but man's failures." ~ Earl Warren