The Dragon's Backbone

Several rain filled days in Guilin and Yangshou gave way to sunshine as I stood at the top of a hill in Longsheng. The view in front of me had remained largely the same for the past 800 years, when the first rice terraces were constructed in the area. It was apparent why the region was known as the Dragon's Backbone. Rays of light shimmered against the terraced fields, twisting from atop the hill and down over 500 meters to the river below.

The climb up through several villages had been grueling under the afternoon heat. I drank some plum juice to quench my thirst. After having bamboo chicken for lunch in a minority village, I had followed a well marked path to the top of the rice terraces. The prettiest of the village belles were dressed up in traditional livery and dotted the path with great frequency, selling refreshments and charging visitors for taking photos with them. I became disoriented on the way down and took a roundabout route to the bottom where a bus awaited to take me back to Yangshuo.

*****

"Better to strive and climb, And never reach your goal, Than to drift along with time - An aimless, worthless soul, Aye better to climb and fall Or sow, though the yield be small, Than to throw away day after day And never strive at all."
- Grace B. Hinkey -

Uttara Kannada

Uttara Kannada is a region within the Indian state of Karnataka. Bordering Goa, quieter versions of its famed beaches dot the coastline of Uttara Kannada. Some of my relatives were living in the seaside town of Karwar, the administrative headquearters of the district. I went to visit as I was working nearby in Bangalore. On the coast of the Arabian Sea, Karwar's natural harbour made it an historically important port. Arab, Dutch, Portuguese, French, and British seafarers all anchored here in the past.

Apart from Karwar, other popular attractions we visited in the area were Gokarna and Jog Falls. An important temple town for Hindus, Gokarna is also a popular hangout for dreadlocked hippies. Some temples did not allow foreigners to enter, incurring my wrath and upsetting my stomach. The road to Jog Falls was long and winding, further burdening my intestines. The multiple streams of Jog Falls plunge directly downwards for over 250 meters, making it the highest untiered waterfall in India. I had recovered from my stomach ache but Jog Falls was not yet at full strength, awaiting the heavy rains of the monsoon season to increase its flow of water.

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Famed Bengali poet Rabindranath Tagore visited Karwar when he was 22 years old, the same age I was when I set foot on its sandy shores:

"The sea beach of Karwar is certainly a fit place in which to realize that the beauty of nature is not a mirage of the imagination, but reflects the joy of the infinite and thus draws us to lose ourselves in it. Where the universe is expressing itself in the magic of its laws it may not be strange if we miss its infinitude; but where the heart gets into immediate touch with immensity in the beauty of the meanest of things, is any room left for argument?"

Halloween in Zhujaiyo

Nothing beats spending Halloween in an ancient village. Zhujaiyo is a sleepy town where the only sound you can hear at night are the howls of stray dogs and the only light comes from the night sky. Separated from Jinan, the largest nearby city, by several bus transfers over several hours, Zhujayio is not a tourist hot spot and remains largely as it did hundreds of years ago. After arriving Saturday afternoon and deciding between two of the home stays available for visitors, my Argentinian travel buddy and I wandered through the narrow pathways and bridges of the village. A group of day trippers from Jinan invited us to join them for dinner. We were midway through our meal when the power went off. Candles and portable heaters were brought in, but the lights soon returned. The Argentinian chatted with them in Chinese as I happily munched on some fried scorpions.

The next day we ventured to the top of a nearby hill. The temple at the top provided a complete view of Zhujaiyo's several hundred homes tightly clustered together. While the interior of the town is still inhabited by an aging population of locals, the deserted fringes feature ramshackle buildings with caved in roofs and decaying walls. Eminently walkable, we covered the rest of the nooks and crannies of the town before lunch time. The chicken we ordered was brought to us three times - (1) alive, (2) skinned, and (3) ready to eat.

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"How do do?" - inquiry by Chinese day tripper upon seeing foreigners in his midst

Military Museum

"I am arrived. Waiting you the gate." read the text message from an ex-colleague of mine. I hurried towards the entrance of the Military Museum of the Chinese People's Revolution after exiting its namesake subway station on Line 1 of the Beijing underground. She had already picked up a pair of tickets, so we walked into the main hall filled with rockets, guns, swords, Chinese drivers, and other weapons of death and destruction.

To the left and right of the Hall of Weapons were two hangars. One side featured aircraft, both Chinese and foreign. The other side showcased tanks, armored personnel carriers, and anti-aircraft weaponry. A large statue of Mao was in the lobby. Adjacent wings had exhibits on the Agrarian Revolutionary War, the War to Resist Japanese Aggression, the War for the Liberation of China, and the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea. A couple of hours were needed to browse the large collection of military memorabilia in its entirety.

*****

“Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories.”

~ Sun Tzu ~

Tiger Leaping Gorge

During the ten day long October national holidays, I left the urban jungle of Beijing behind and ventured into the wilderness. I found myself trekking through Tiger Leaping Gorge, the most breathtaking canyon on the Yangtze River. Too treacherous to be navigated by boat, the rapids are best enjoyed from solid ground. With 2000 meter cliffs on each side, Tiger Leaping Gorge is one of the deepest canyons on the planet. The river beneath narrows to 25 meters at one point, and legend has it that a tiger jumped across the gorge to escape a hunter at this very location.

The nearest city to the gorge is Lijiang and the nearest town is Qiaotou. At the Lijiang bus station, I found the schedule unfavourable and decided to hire a vehicle to Qiaotou instead. It was costly, so I waited until another traveler joined me so we could split the fare. A fellow named Fangyuan was up to the challenge. His friends had decided to relax back in Lijiang, while he was keen to see the sheer cliffs of Tiger Leaping Gorge. We took the low road, passing goats, driving through waterfalls, and experiencing occasional engine failure as our vehicle had a hard time navigating through the rock slide prone area.

Without any assistance from the government, the locals have created a path down to the river. They charge a maintenance fee and have set up stalls every few hundred meters down the arduous trail selling refreshments. As we made our descent, it started raining heavily. The stall keepers wisely packed up and hurried back to the top. I got separated from Fangyuan, and we took alternate routes. I arrived back at the summit and waited for him to return, observing a suit clad villager chase down a chicken with a knife in the meantime. As I shivered in my wet clothes, I heard someone call out for me. Fangyuan had returned with the driver! At Qiaotou we went our different ways. He went back to Lijiang to rejoin his buddies, while I caught the last bus to Shangri La.

*****

Tiger, tiger, burning bright   
In the forests of the night,   
What immortal hand or eye   
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
~ William Blake ~

Peking Opera

For several hundred years, the opera has captivated audiences in Beijing. A friend of mine was performing in one staged by an amateur troupe in the student area of Wudaokou. All the performers work or study during the week, but find time each weekend to practice one of the city's oldest art forms. When she invited me to attend I readily accepted. It was my first opera of any kind so I did not know what to expect.

Front row seats were reserved for me. I was commended for staying awake for the duration of the four hour extravaganza that featured singing, dancing, extensive makeup, and elaborate costumes. My friend's mother was also in attendance, along with many senior citizens. After the performance was over I delighted the performers by taking photos with them. The mother commented that I only posed for pictures with pretty young girls. The daughter gave me a frown.

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"I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand." ~ Edward Appleton

ARNABanged: Hitting the Road

They say that Chinese people do not know how to drive. It's not true. At least one does. He drove right into me.

I was standing in the middle of a crosswalk in front of Beijing's Workers Stadium, waiting for oncoming traffic in one direction to stop flowing so I could get to the other side. The locals have as much respect for pedestrian crossings as they do for intellectual property rights, so the crosswalk marking on the road does not mean anything. I looked back to see a red car coming directly at me from behind. A split second later I was in flight, my body performing a grotesque pirouette before making contact with the pavement.


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I scraped myself off the surface of the road, glaring at my attacker as I got up. He had gotten out of his car and was sheepishly looking at me. His mother popped out of the passenger side holding a fluffy pet dog. Suddenly, the driver ran past me into the middle of the street. My phone had taken a slightly different trajectory than I, and was moments away from being crushed. He grabbed my cellphone, narrowly escaping another violent collision with an oncoming vehicle himself. He handed me my phone and I got in his car and drove off, dialing my friends for assistance.

*****

“If you wish to avoid foreign collision, you had better abandon the ocean.”
~ Henry Clay ~

On Thin Ice

Unlike most of the major cities on Earth, Beijing is not located near any large body of water. Numerous lakes and streams are sprinkled throughout Beijing's districts to compensate. During the long winter months these waterways are frozen solid. Recreational fishermen dig holes in the ice and wait patiently for the fish to bite. Near the banks, old men strip to their undergarments, stretch, and then take a plunge in the frozen water. Less adventurous types simply skate on the icy surface.

I walked a 2 kilometer stretch of the Liangma river, occasionally having to duck under bridges. Several boats had been ensconced on the riverside. I spotted a man urinating in the middle of the river. He was cool as a cucumber as vapor rose from the area around his feet. To safeguard the public, I also contributed some liquid sealant to mend a few cracks in the ice that I came across.

*****

Beauty, like ice, our footing does betray
Who can tread sure on the smooth, slippery way
Pleased with the surface, we glide swiftly on
And see the dangers that we cannot shun.
- John Dryden -

Higher Learning

ARNABlog began to chronicle my globetrotting adventures after I graduated from Simon Fraser University. The campus was located on top of Burnaby Mountain, giving it the nickname "high school on the hill". The dull grey buildings and the isolation from the society below also gave it the moniker of "Simon Fraser Minimum Security Facility". Every day, I would join busloads of diligent students on the trek up to the peak. If it snowed just the right amount classes would not be canceled but the buses would not make it all the way up the steep incline, depositing students midway to their destination. We would trudge uphill in snow with heavy backpacks full of textbooks and notepads, leaving our bodies exhausted but our minds still thirsting for knowledge. 

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"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." ~ William Butler Yeats

Imagine 2010

Five years ago, the Olympics were still a faraway thought in the minds of most Vancouverites. The Imagine 2010 launch event at GM Place introduced the general public to what was about to come in the years following. First Nations hosts, RCMP officers, and Cirque du Soleil performers all appeared on stage before the new Vancouver 2010 logo was officially unveiled.

An inukshuk sporting the five Olympic colours was chosen as the symbol of the Winter Games. The stone landmark was primarily used by natives of Canada's Arctic regions as a point of reference and food cache in the frozen tundra. The precursor to modern day GPS markers, inukshuks show the way ahead while providing hope of better things to come.

*****

This is the moment we have dreamed of all our lives
We'll be the change we wish from others
We'll stand tall for what is right
And in my heart there'll be no doubt
The arms of the world will come reaching out

- Olympic theme song 'I Believe'

The World's Tallest Building

Now eclipsed by Dubai's Burj Khalifa in height, Shanghai's World Financial Center was at the time of my visit the tallest operational building in the world by roof height excluding spires or antennae. Resembling a giant can opener, the WFC also has the highest occupied floor on Earth and is the tallest building in China. There are three observation decks with different entry prices, as some people prefer only going to the 94th or 97th floors rather than all the way up to the 100th. I was propelled to the topmost floor by a space age elevator complete with sterile white interior and pulsating lights. I coolly observed Shanghai from my vantage point, tiny automobiles whizzing by hundreds of feet below.

*****

"Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory." ~ Betty Smith

Slim Pickings

The soft sensitive skin with a wonderful complexion; the dark silky hair that flows through the fingers like the Yangtse through the People's Republic; the delicate beauty combined with quiet dignity - these are all characteristics that Chinese girls appreciate about me. I in turn admire their uniformly slim physiques and usage of high heels. Rare is the day that passes where I recollect encountering more than one fat Chinese woman in public. Most are petite, so they often wear shoes that will give them a higher elevation. Unfortunately, most also cannot speak English.

When I inquire as to whether Chinese ARNABeauties possess any English language capabilities, I am frequently met with blank stares, nervous giggles, silence, and/or awestruck expressions. This gives me no clear indication as to whether they can or they cannot. Cunning women also have the option of pretending not to be able to speak any English, since I will be unable to gauge their proficiency until they open their mouths. This, combined with my vacous grasp of the Chinese language, makes communication difficult.

*****

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." ~ Winston Churchill

Damsel Drop Off

When working late in Indian cities, women are often concerned about making their way home safely at night. There is a chance that they will be harassed by men with ill intentions if they are alone. Companies in the booming IT industry did not take this matter lightly. To reduce the chance of any untoward incidents that could potentially occur when darkness strikes, Satyam provided a late night taxi service for all employees.

The taxi would drop ladies off at their doorsteps in case they had to do overtime work. A precautionary measure was also taken so that the taxi driver and a female employee were not the last two people remaining in the vehicle, as he could also pose a threat. A male employee would be dropped off last, even if it meant taking a more roundabout route. This ensured that at no point would a lady be alone with a predatory man - two or more perhaps, but never just one.

On the few occasions when all the other menfolk had already left the office, I would sacrifice my personal hours to ensure the safety of any damsels who had to work late. My warm heart and strong body provided them with a sense of security during the taxi ride. I would gallantly escort them to their doors, and they would give me a shy smile before going inside. Once at home, the lady could call a company switchboard operator to give notice that they were safe and sound.

*****

"True manhood doesn't seek to compromise a woman's purity. True manhood stands up to heroically protect it." ~ Unknown

Sneak Peek

Although the Chinese education system relies largely on rote learning, many of the men have still retained a healthy sense of curiosity. In the toilet, they will not shy away from sneaking a peek at their stall neighbour's utensils while taking a leak. Foreigners are of particular interest, as this allows them to broaden their frame of reference. My focus on the task at hand and lack of peripheral vision prevents me from participating in this activity.

On another occasion, I was writing a text message on my mobile phone and a complete stranger came to shoulder surf. The contents of my SMS were written in English, so the man was using it as a chance to study up for the TOEFL examination he planned to take in the near future. He stood directly behind me, his head brushing against my jacket as he tried to read what I was texting. I made my message excruciatingly long, so he eventually lost interest and wandered off.

*****

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.” - Albert Einstein

Modern Marvels

I am not the only impressive addition to urban Beijing in recent times, as the city strives to reinvent itself by blending its ancient charm with modern marvels. My office building is located in the heart of the central business district. Right beside it is the third phase of the China World Trade Center. Still under construction, it is the tallest building in Beijing. The monolith stands out awkwardly in a cityscape where skyscrapers are a relatively new addition.

Along with the Bird's Nest, the Water Cube, the National Center for the Performing Arts, and the WTC, the CCTV headquarters completes a quintet of present day architectural triumphs. Nicknamed 'big underpants' by the locals, the oddly shaped building is comprised of two structures which were constructed separately from the ground up and then connected at the top to form a unified structure. The building is an eyesore to some and a breath of fresh air to others. Still unoccupied by office workers, the hulking edifice is boarded up while questions about its future remain unanswered.

*****

“The loftier the building, the deeper must the foundation be laid.” - Thomas Kempis

Formula 1: 2009 China Grand Prix

The Shanghai Formula 1 race is the main spectacle of speed on China's motorsport calendar. On race day it was raining heavily. The opening ceremonies included performances by the Shaolin Monks and a lap around the track with the drivers waving from atop a double decker bus. The crowd cheered as the first roar of the engines was heard. As the rain continued to pour down the cars zipped past, completing a a few warm up laps before the green lights indicated the Grand Prix of China had begun. It was a running start, with the pace car leading the way for the first few laps before moving aside. Sebestian Vettel and Jenson Button battled for the lead throughout the race, with Lewis Hamilton displaying some flair along the way but fading at the end.

On the wet track visibility was low and grip hard to come by. Aquaplaning was the primary activity of the day. we witnessed several spectacular crashes as driver errors unsurprisingly increased with the poor weather. Sebastien Vettel won the the race, but the day belonged to the drenched fans who had valiantly weathered the rainy day to witness the powerful combination of man and machine that is F1.

Race Notes:

My poncho was punctured early on in the race as the spectator seated in front of me could not maintain control of his umbrella. One of the spokes was violently driven through my protective raingear, tearing a swath through the plastic covering. The gash reduced my downforce and I began taking on water, never completely recovering for the remainder of the race. My pit crew could not patch it and no spare ponchos were available after the start of the race due to strict regulations prohibiting the sale of them within the circuit grounds.

*****

"If you spend all of your time racing ahead to the future, you're liable to discover you've left a great present behind." - Tom Wilson

Modes of Transport

The diversity of ways to get from one place to another is as astounding as the ARNABeard. On my way from Hong Kong to Beijing, I set a new personal record for most distinct modes of transport used on a contiguous journey from point A to point B.

- cable car from the top of a hill on Lantau Island to a MTR station
- subway to my destination MTR station
- ferry across the harbour from Hong Kong Island to Kowloon on the mainland
- taxi to the Elements bus station
- bus across the China-Hong Kong border to Shenzhen Airport
- airplane from Shenzhen to Beijing

For the pedestrian portions of the odyssey I walked on the road side footpaths, underground walkways, elevated platforms, escalators, travelators, boardwalks, gangplanks, and stairs.

*****

“I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.” - Oscar Wilde

The Rice Wall of China

Over 600 years have passed since the construction of Nanjing's city wall, but it still stands. It took 20 years and 200,000 men to build the oldest such surviving structure in China. The defense mechanism stretches for 25 kilometers around the erstwhile capital. I climbed up a set of steep stairs to get on top of the wall near the southern banks of the Yangtse River.

When the Ming Dynasty was established, Nanjing was chosen to be its capital. Construction soon began on a wall to protect it from invaders who would seek to usurp the throne. Legend has it that the wall was partially made out of rice, as an inscription plastered on the side of the fortification reads:

The history books did not record anything about what kind of ingredients used in the cement. It was told that the emperor Zhu Yuanzhang used the polished glutinous rice to build up the City Wall. But the affair still a mysterious.

*****

“Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”
- Michael Jordan -

ARNABeard: Pogonophobia

What is the scientific term for the fear of beards?

The quizmaster paused after asking the question, confident that no one in the room would know the answer. I was attending my first ever pub quiz. In a popular Beijing watering hole packed full of expats, participants had gelled into groups of 4-10 people. I had teamed with a Malaysian, a Mauritanian, and a couple of ABC's (American Born Chinese), but we were not faring particularly well. The quiz had had a strong European flavour, and our combined ineptitude had won us a pitcher of beer.

The tides were about to turn though, as the topic had changed to beards. In a land where facial hair is rarer than diamonds, the bearer of the ARNABeard is often the center of attention. I remembered that the art of cultivating it was known as pogonotrophy. Taking the root and combining it with the word for fear, I came up with pogonophobia. After the quizmaster disclosed the answer, it was revealed that we were the only ones to guess correctly out of the dozen or so groups participating.

A murmur of approval spread through the room like stubble across my face as I explained how I came to my conclusion. I quipped that I knew 600 million people afflicted with the condition, referring to the large female Chinese demographic that feared my manly growth. Symptoms of pogonophobia include breathlessness, excessive sweating, dread, heart palpitations, panic attacks, and the inability to speak or think clearly.

*****

Comments from assorted Chinese girls suffering from the disease:

"You so hairy."

"You looks like gorilla."

"You would look even more handsome without your beard."

"Why you not shave?"

For Your Eyes Only

I got up early Sunday morning for my second day of sightseeing in London. I met up with an ex-colleague from Vancouver who took me to the Imperial War Museum. Apart from various weapons, uniforms, vehicles, and medals belonging to the imperial warmongers, there was a special exhibit on James Bond. The focus was more on Ian Fleming, the man behind 007, than the agent himself. Historical artifacts that provided the foundation of the spy novels and movies were showcased to a steady stream of Bond aficionados.

Afterwards we boarded a double-decker bus that passed by the London Eye and dropped us off near Big Ben, the world's favourite clock tower. While on the bus a marching band passed by us for no apparent reason. We were meandering about the streets when my stomach began to rumble, so she took me to her favourite pub for a traditional Sunday roast. There is nothing like a good book following a heavy meal, and the British Library had 25 million in its collection. We browsed the Magna Carta, the Gutenberg Bible, and original manuscripts by famed authors such as Geoffrey Chaucer, William Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Lewis Carroll, Rudyard Kipling, and Charles Dickens to name but a few. We vacated the premises when an announcement was made that the library was closing soon, and took a stroll across Abbey Road outside the Beatles' recording studio before calling it a day.

*****

"Bond... James Bond." - James Bond

London Calling

After a summer in Paris several years ago, a winter in Europe's other great city was in order. I jetted from New York to London, arriving at Heathrow Airport and taking the fast train into the city. I put up at the pad of my roommate from Bangalore, a Britisher by the name of Joe. He prepared a traditional English breakfast called a fry up, composed of bacon, eggs, toast, beans, and a variety of condiments. Our first stop of the day was at Piccadilly Circus, whereupon I picked up my London Pass at the tourist bureau. This booklet would serve as both a guidebook and entrance ticket into London's foremost tourist attractions.

A ride up the longest escalator in the London subway system later, we emerged in Angel. The chic borough was filled with cafes, restaurants, bars, and quaint boutiques that lined the narrow back alleys. Joe's girlfriend met up with us here. She quickly took a liking to me, and we enjoyed a sip of warm mulled wine together. Dinner followed, and then a long night of bar hopping began as Joe treated me to a pint of Guinness to welcome me to his fine city.

*****

 "What is the city but the people?"  ~ William Shakespeare

New York, New York

Buffeted by heavy winds, the plane tilted from one side to another before making a hard landing on the tarmac of Newark Airport. I picked up my luggage, saw the attractive woman who had occupied the seat beside me on the flight run into the arms of her boyfriend, and then hopped on a bus to midtown Manhattan. I had a one day layover in the Big Apple before heading off to London, so I had to make the most of my limited time in the city so great that they named it twice.

With a systematic naming scheme for streets and avenues, Manhattan was easy to navigate for a newcomer. I walked to many of the famous sites in New York City, such as Times Square, Empire State Building, Grand Central Terminal, the Waldorf Astoria hotel, Chrysler Building, Rockefeller Center, Radio City Music Hall, the Public Library, the theater district, and Macy's, the world’s largest store. As it was wintertime, the ice rink in front of Rockefeller Center was filled with skaters. I got a proper sense of the scale of the world’s unofficial capital city from atop the Empire State Building, before rendezvousing with a lady I had traveled together with in Morocco at the New York Times building. We had lunch in the Hell’s Kitchen area of town, and then I collected my belongings and headed off to the airport.

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“A city is the pulsating product of the human hand and mind, reflecting man's history, his struggle for freedom, creativity, genius-and his selfishness and errors.” -  Charles Abrams

Arnab's Year in Cities, 2009

My travels in 2008 were focused on parts of the world that I had not yet visited - Africa and Central America. This year I returned to some places I had called home in my past, before venturing out to a land where I would be a complete alien. 2009 was my most prolific and superlative year of globetrotting as I traveled from the world's best country to the greatest, most influential, most interesting, and most populous nations on Earth.

Not counting day trips, I stayed in 36 cities, towns, and villages in 4 countries and 2 special administrative regions spanning 3 continents:

• Bangalore, India
• Beijing, China
• Chengde, China
• Chengdu, China
• Chongqing, China
• Dali, China
• Dalian, China
• Dandong, China
• Datong, China
• Delhi, India
• Dengfeng, China
• Guilin, China
• Hangzhou, China
• Hong Kong
• Hyderabad, India
• Kaifeng, China
• Kolkata, India
• Kunming, China
• Lijiang, China
• Liverpool, England
• London, England
• Macau
• Nanjing, China
• New York, USA
• Ningbo, China
• Qingdao, China
• Qinhuangdao, China
• Shanghai, China
• Shangri La, China
• Suzhou, China
• Tianjin, China
• Vancouver, Canada
• Wuhan, China
• Xian, China
• Yangshou, China
• Zhujiayo, China

*****

"Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering."
- Saint Augustine -

Giant Panda

Panda bears eat early in the morning and then nap for the rest of day. Since they are vegetarians subsisting on a diet of bamboo, they have little energy to waste. I had to rise at dawn to catch them during feeding time at Chengdu's world famous Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding. Founded in 1987 and boasting a population of six giant pandas, now there are about 80 pandas kept in captivity here. Tourists can purchase the opportunity to take a picture with the lovable creatures, with proceeds going towards further panda protection efforts. Attendants go out into the panda pen and grab one of the bears, who sedately cling on to the fellow as they are taken to the photo shoot. With most of their natural habitat destroyed by man, the pandas at the base lead a sheltered life where they are provided with free food and health care. 

As the pandas munched on bamboo shoots, a brawl suddenly erupted between two Chinese tourists. The attention of the crowd shifted from bear to man. The two combatants fought with great tenacity and vigour, if little skill. A fresh faced security guard ran to the scene to see what the hubbub was about, before completing a full revolution and running back in the direction he came from. A few able bodied Westerners had separated the two pugilists by the time he returned with reinforcements. The men were then escorted out and everyone's attention shifted towards the pandas once more.

*****

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons. "Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage. The panda pauses on his way out, produces a wildlife manual, and tosses it over his shoulder. "Well, I'm a panda," he says at the door. "Look it up." The waiter turns to the relevant entry and finds an explanation:

"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."