Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Talk to Me

Female coworker: This guy never talks to me.

Another coworker: Really?

Me: No, that's not true. I said goodbye once.

Female coworker: That is true. He did say goodbye once, but that was right after I had asked him to have a one hour conversation with me.

Monday, November 17, 2014

The USS Midway


Decommissioned in 1992, the USS Midway now calls San Diego home. Once the world’s largest ship and now its most visited naval ship museum, the USS Midway is so large that it cannot make it through the Panama Canal (imagine a Texan trying to squeeze into a standard size airplane seat). In service for an astonishing 47 years, it played key roles in the Vietnam War and Operation Desert Storm in the Gulf War, upholding the American ideals of strength, freedom, and peace across the globe. 


Interestingly enough, the USS Midway was also summoned to Korea to provide a show of strength during Operation Paul Bunyan. After the axe-murder incident where North Koreans offed several American soldiers using said instrument when they were trying to chop down a tree in the DMZ that obscured the view between watch posts, an overwhelming show of force was demonstrated by the United States. The Midway stood guard while the tree was successfully cut down 3 days after the initial incident. 


Entering service two years after the end of World War II, the ship is named after the pivotal Battle of Midway.  Several hours to a day can be spent exploring the many decks of the vessel, home to 225,000 seamen over its decades of service. Elderly volunteers explain the inner workings of the engine and boiler rooms. Aircraft adorn the entire stretch of the almost 1000 foot long flight deck, along with Chinese tourists taking silly photos. 

 

*****

Sign on, young man, and sail with me. The stature of our homeland is no more than the measure of ourselves. Our job is to keep her free. Our will is to keep the torch of freedom burning for all. To this solemn purpose we call on the young, the brave, the strong, and the free. Heed my call, Come to the sea. Come Sail with me. ― John Paul Jones

Monday, November 10, 2014

Roaches to Riches

Friend: Did you find a place to stay yet?

Me: Yes, but it's in the Tenderloin.

Friend: When is your housewarming party?

Me: The place is so small that no one else will fit inside.

Friend: Really? So your parents won't visit?

Me: Then I'll have to sleep on the floor... with the roaches.

Friend: What bs. You can complain to the city if you have roaches. You do realize that?

Me: I only complain about the decrepit state of America in general.

Friend: Haha, then go back to Canada... or Korea. If you are not one of those people looking to go from roaches to riches then America is not for you!


Friday, November 7, 2014

Beets Me

Two American girls came and sat at my table at a mall food court while I was in the process of consuming a chicken burrito.

Girl #1: Are beets vegetables?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: Oh, I didn't know that. Anyways, I'm thinking of stopping being a vegetarian. I'm feeling tired a lot these days.
Girl #2: That's why I quit being a vegetarian. My energy levels were sooo low and I was craving meat all the time. If your body craves something that badly you should just eat it. I mean it craves it for a reason, right?
Girl #1: Yeah, that's right.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

BART Ride

BART is shorthand for Bay Area Rapid Transit. It is not to be confused with the character of the same name on the long running American cartoon show The Simpsons. BART is an aging system of trains that pass for public transportation in the region. The signage is horrendous and the intercom barely audible. The trains are infrequent and most ticketing machines are out of order. If a station once had a functioning escalator it has most likely reverted back to a staircase long ago. The stations also serve as homeless shelters in a nation which has as little regard for its poor as it does for its public transportation infrastructure.

Entrance to a BART station

While San Francisco is a large open air urinal for many of its wild and wacky inhabitants, BART is a veritable bathroom in motion. The only reason it is not called BARF is because that would not encompass the entirety of the human deposits left behind on the train over the decades. Many of the train carriages on BART come with wall-to-wall carpeting. The aged fabric is splotched with the stains of time and puke. Sometimes the floor is sticky. Occasionally, the seats are as well. The fragrances on board are in sync with the stains on the floors.

*****

“A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes - and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside...”  ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer