Turtle Island, Bali

I took a trip to Indonesia with two close friends from China. For our last day in the island paradise of Bali, we rented a car and driver to take us from Padang Bai to Kuta. When my two travel companions decided to head to a generic children's water park in Kuta, I swiftly distanced myself from them and headed for Turtle Island instead. This resort area is teeming with water sports activities and the aforementioned island has a collection of turtles and other local critters.

My Indonesian driver spoke English well and was a friendly guy. This fact is worthy of mention only since I was making a trip to Indonesia from South Korea, where even a PHD candidate in English Literature can have significant trouble composing full sentences without consulting an electronic dictionary. We discussed topics such as Bollywood movies, family life, and other deep subjects. He joined me on the boat ride to Turtle Island as he had never visited it either. Once out in open water, I took the helm and piloted a boat for the first time.

I had not expected to indulge in water sports on this day, so I did not have any aquatic wear with me. The resort staff provided me with a body hugging wet suit. As I walked to the beach, slowly running my fingers through my curly black hair, I drew many admiring glances. Tourists and locals alike licked their sun-chapped lips at the sight of my toned figure. Since I was in a wetsuit I was allowed to enter the pool where gigantic turtles lazed about. I also had close encounters with snakes, bats, and Komodo dragons.

It turned out to be a day of firsts, as I also tried out a jet-ski (e.g. SeaDoo) and scuba walking. Of the two, I much preferred the freedom and excitement of a jet-ski compared to the constricted environment of scuba walking. For those that do not have any scuba diving certification, scuba walking is the next best thing. I was transported to a platform in the middle of the sea and equipped with a massive dome shaped helmet. Something that resembled a toilet seat was put around my neck to seal the space between the helmet and the top of my wetsuit, so that no water could seep in. A tube attached to an air canister was also attached to my back and I was lowered into the sea.

Looking like a cross between a Russian cosmonaut and a string puppet, I went down a ladder from the platform and then dropped to the sea floor. Although its not possible to go down to any significant depths while scuba walking, I was still submerged beyond my comfort level. With the large helmet weighing me down, I swayed back and forth like a drunken sailor as I walked the seabed and witnessed schools of fishes swirling around me.

*****

Try to be like the turtle - at ease in your own shell. ~ Bill Copeland 

Hallasan - Climbing Korea's Highest Mountain

Jeju is an island off the south coast of peninsular Korea. It is the closest thing that South Korea has to a tropical paradise, making it an extremely popular yet still laid back travel destination. In the middle of the island is Hallasan, a gently sloping shield volcano that rises 2 kilometers into the sky. It is not the most beautiful mountain in the country, nor the toughest to summit, but it is the highest and thus worthy of a climb.

I was travelling Jeju with a Korean lady, a Dutchman, and an American guy. It took us around 8 hours to go up and down. The incline was very gradual and not particularly painful, but the decent was hard on the knees and felt far more tiring. The weather started off cooperating for the majority of the climb, but fog engulfed the mountain when we reached the peak. We waited a long time at the top but the clouds would not cooperate, robbing us of any stunning views. The crater at the top only had a small pool of water.

A heavy storm had recently hit Jeju, so the staircase up to the top of the mountain was a mangled pile of wooden debris. The rest of the trail was in good condition, with a couple of rest areas in between giving us a chance to mingle with the brightly dressed community of mature Koreans who adore hiking up mountains. One old timer kept pointing me out to his companions in between slurping his cup of instant noodles and taking swigs of soju, perhaps trying to recollect which magazine cover or billboard he had seen me on before.

Since we had come up one way and down another we were separated from our rental car. The taxi drivers were all in cahoots and not willing to use their meters, so we had a tough time making our way to the parking lot where we had originally started. Exhausted we made it back to Jeju City in time for dinner with some former students of my Korean friend, who is a teacher of business English to Korean professionals. While we enjoyed a delicious meal of barbecued black pork, a Jeju specialty, the students perspired heavily from the effort of having to communicate with foreigners, which is a Korean specialty.

*****

"Cliff! And then walked slowly down the mountain when you let go." - Warning sign posted on the trail

Conversations with K-girls: A Carless Mistake

K-girl who I just met: May I see your car?

Me (reaching for my wallet): Of course, you can see my card. Here you go.

K-girl: No, not your card! May I see your CAR?

Me: Oh...

One Chance

Me: I hope she will give me a second chance.

Korean lady: Second chance? When did you got a first chance?

Me: Oh, good point... I hope she will give me a first chance.

Mad for Garlic... and Deodorant

Korean guy: Do you know why Korean girls don't like you? It's not just because you are Indian blood. It's also your bad smell.

Me: My bad smell? OK…

Korean guy: Western people think Koreans are stinky because they smell like garlic, no? But that is a normal thing here, so it is not a bad or weird.

Me: So I smell bad?

Korean guy: Yes. How many times do you use deodorant?

Me: Usually one time in the morning.

Korean guy: That's not enough. That's why you smell bad.

Me: What!? You expect me to apply it every four hours or something?

Korean guy: No, that's still not enough. You must use it every hour or two.

Me: That's too much.

Korean guy: No, you can't say that. That is normal thing here so you must do it.

*****

On an interesting side note, the 'flower men' of South Korea make up less than 1% of the global male population yet account for over 20% of male cosmetic sales worldwide.

Conversations with K-girls: Dinner Plans

K-girl: I have a dinner plan.

Me: With me?

K-girl: No.... uh.... umm..... with my family?

In Hostile Territory

Me: She looks a little Chinese, even though she is Korean.

Korean guy: Yes, so I don't like her.

Me: Chinese girls are also nice.

Korean guy: Japanese better but they exposed to radioactivity.

Me: I thought you had a Chinese girlfriend before.

Korean guy: Nope, I just had Chinese homemate but she had stinky foreign boyfriend.

Me: A big hairy oaf?

Korean guy: Oaf?

Me: For example "That was my foot you just stepped on, you bumbling oaf".

Korean guy (after looking up the definition of oaf in an electronic dictionary): "Why give publicity to this self-indulgent, adolescent oaf?"

Me: Yes, exactly. For instance, that guy talking to the Chinese-looking girl appears to be an oaf.

Korean guy: That I agree. He looks oaf so normal girls don't have any hostility.

Me: Yup, they let their defences down but when they see a dangerous Prince of Persia they have their shields up.

Korean guy: Yes, that's fact so it's not your fault. Their reaction is natural.

Me: Hostility is a good word.

Korean guy: Why? It's bad word, isn't it?

Me: I mean it's a good word to describe the situation.

Korean guy: Aha~

Escape from Trash Mountain - Nanjido

Take a low lying island located on a river in Seoul, add two decades worth of garbage generated during a period of rapid modernization never before seen in human history, and what are you left with? A 100 meter high mountain of trash, reeking so badly that people could smell it from the other side of the Han River. The dump site of Nanjido grew to cover an area of almost 3 million square meters, dwarfing the pyramids of Giza in scale.

Nanjido became a dangerous eyesore that oozed methane which frequently ignited, causing 1300 fires over the life span of the landfill. Millions of tons of industrial and household waste had piled up like the credit card debt of a Korean beauty's boyfriend. After one big blaze in 1984, the last of the inhabitants of the isle were relocated.



Seoul was selected as a host of the 2002 World Cup. The city's soccer stadium was located a corner kick away from this festering heap of rubbish, so the government decided to do something about the situation. They transformed the dump into a large green space, replete with parks, sculptures, trails, golf courses, and dazzling views of Seoul.

Ironically, there are barely any garbage cans on a mountain that once served as the city's wastebasket. Every time I came up on what looked to be a garbage can, it turned out to be a container for fire extinguishers. The extinguishers are a nice safety precaution, but perhaps a bit underpowered to put out a fire on a blazing mountain of methane. Smoking is prohibited on top of the park for this reason, as it could lead to spontaneous combustion. Despite the potential safety hazards, a visit to 'Trash Mountain' is certainly not a waste of time.

*****

People say I'm extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage? ~ Imelda Marcos 

Celebrating Buddha's Birthday

Buddhism is the leading belief system in South Korea (if you consider Protestantism and Catholicism as distinct religions), so the birth of Buddha is celebrated with great pomp and pageantry every year. A Chinese friend of mine was in Seoul for a business trip, and he joined me for the day as we participated in the festive activities on offer throughout the city.

Our first stop was the Jogyesa Temple, a large complex located in the heart of old Seoul. The principal temple of the Jogye Order and the centre of Zen Buddhism in Korea, its roots can be traced back over five hundred years. A colourful hive of activity, Jogyesa is not the kind of place to visit for a serene meditative experience. However, it does provide a good introduction into the world of Korean Buddhism.

When we first entered the complex, we were ushered into a movie theatre. A highly entertaining documentary was shown explaining how Korea was the greatest nation on Earth. One infographic compared the total number of inventions made in Korea with the sum total of every invention made by all other countries in the world in a year. It was a tight race, but Korea came out on top. It also highlighted the fact that Korea has the best alphabet system ever concocted. Hanguel is a highly elegant system that replaced the traditional Chinese characters that were previously used by Koreans.

After the film concluded it was time for us to make some traditional paper lanterns. Volunteers guided us as we crafted a masterpiece out of coloured paper and adhesive. We explored the temple grounds for a while and ate a vegetarian meal, consisting predominantly of sticky rice.

We were given instructions to go to Tapgol Park as some VIP seating was reserved for foreigners. We had front row seats to view the Lotus Lantern Festival Parade being held to commemorate Buddha's birthday. As the parade neared its conclusion, we were pulled in to the procession to add a multicultural flavour to the festivities. We held our handcrafted lotus lanterns high and waved to the adoring crowds as we passed by.

Conversations with K-girls: English No

Me: Do you know any English?

K-girl: English no.

Me: 'English know' or 'English no'?

K-girl: English NO!

Hoi An

Picturesque and quaint, Hoi An is a delightful Vietnamese town located at about the midway point of the nation longitudinally. Although they share the same letters in their English spelling, Hoi An and Hanoi are totally unrelated. The small town was once a prominent port in Southeast Asia during a bygone era of ceramics and spice trading. Forgotten by the world for a couple of centuries, the World Heritage site retains much of its traditional architecture and charm.

Hoi An was the place to be for merchants and traders from across Europe and Asia from the 15th to 18th centuries, before falling into obscurity. Touristy yet quiet, the streets of Hoi An are eminently navigable. They are dotted with boutiques, restaurants, cafes, and the requisite tailor shops where Western backpackers can buy affordable custom made suits that they can wear when attending interviews for lowly paid internship positions once they return home.

Before arriving in Hoi An, I made a quick stop at Danang to visit the Museum of Cham Sculpture. When the French set up camp in nearby Da Nang and established it as one of their strongholds in Indochina, the glory days of Hoi An came to a quick end. On the taxi ride from Da Nang to Hoi An I saw massive construction projects of luxury villas and golf resorts taking place along the whole stretch of the coastline, so I was relieved to find the actual ancient town still well preserved.

Chuncheon - Mimes, Fireballs, Waterfights, and Dakgalbi

Chuncheon hosts an international mime festival each year. Foreigners in Korea who do not fluently speak the local tongue soon become accomplished mimes themselves, so I was interested in seeing the abilities of some of my peers. The mime portion of the festival was rather boring though, with only a few moderately skilled performers on hand. The scene stealer was a spectacular set piece that dangled in the skies. A fireball was lifted above the crowds by a crane, held in place by a barely visible cable that did not hinder the effect of the great ball of fire.

What was supposed to be a mime festival broke out into a full fledged water fight on Chuncheon's main thoroughfare. Buckets of water were provided and the citizens let loose with much gusto. It was a welcome change from the stiff necked formality of Seoulites. One courageous little boy gingerly edged towards me, aimed his water pistol in my direction, gently squeezed the trigger, and ran away. His aim was true, as I had to wipe my glasses dry to regain my vision after his strike.

I grew hungry and headed for Myeongdong Dakgalbi Street, where a row of specialty restaurants awaited me. Chuncheon's claim to Korean fame is its delicious dakgalbi, a chicken dish mixed with vegetables, rice cakes, and occasionally cheese. It is cooked on the dining table on a large iron pan or directly over charcoal. Like a hot glance from a shy K-girl on a crowded subway, eating dakgalbi is a tantalizing experience that lingers on in one's memories for many days after.

Bragging Rights

Me: This paragraph so easy to understand.

Korean girl: Nooooooo. Don't say that! English is not our mother tongue.

Me: It's not mine either.

Korean girl: Really? Oh.. it's Indian?

Me: Yes, first I learnt Bengali and then English. Also some French in school, and some Hindi in India, some Chinese, and some Korean. So Korean is actually the sixth language I understand a bit of.

Korean girl: Stop bragging!!

Me: I also look good both with and without a beard.

Korean girl: Aiyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Seoul Motor Show 2013

In China, the auto show rotates between Shanghai and Beijing every other year. The biennial policy is also in place in South Korea, where the motor show oscillates between Seoul and Busan. Last year I dropped by Busan for the showcase event, but this year I did not have to venture as far. The Seoul version of the event is held in the neighbouring city of Ilsan, in the same convention grounds that the Sensation concert took place in.

Once I entered the hall and looked around, I was at a loss for words. As tradition dictates, I dropped by the BMW booth and relaxed for a while. Being an admirer of beauty in all its forms, I could not help but recollect one of my favourite poems composed by William Wordsworth as I lounged in the VIP area - The Daffodils:

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the milky way,

They stretched in never-ending line

Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,

Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:

A poet could not but be gay,

In such a jocund company:

I gazed--and gazed--but little thought

What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils. 

Kites

Each January the Ahmedabad sky is filled with a host of kites during Uttarayan. For a few special days most everyone in the capital city of Gujarat becomes a kite enthusiast, whether personally navigating their own winged wonder or merely standing upon one of the thousands of rooftops in the city and gazing up at the mesmerizing spectacle taking place in the sky above. Uttarayan is a festival celebrating the end of winter. The auspicious date on the Hindu calendar is also known as Makar Sankranti.

With the onset of harvest season, there is always hope for a brighter future. Although Gujarat is a dry state, spirits are high during this time. A group of youth have congregated on top of the roof of a school, and I make my way up a dark staircase and join them at the top. A few kites are rotated among the more eager youngsters, while the rest just enjoy the warmth of the sun and the sight of a thousand kites dancing in the heavens.

Flying kites was originally a hobby exclusively enjoyed by the Nawabs that ruled the region, but it soon spread to the common man. Just like the individuals on the ground who are guiding them with steady hands, the kites come in all shapes, sizes, and colours.  Families start building their kites months in advance. Unlike the girls of Gangnam, each handcrafted kite has a personality all its own.

A gentle breeze lifts the kites into the clear blue sky. The slightest adjustment from the kite flyer causes his aerial steed to change course. Part of the fun of kite flying is the competitive aspect. The kite strings are coated with fragments of glass, designed to slice through opposing kites without mercy. Friendly duels take place among kites sharing the same airspace. As one kite string slices through that of a foe, the victor soars on while the vanquished flutters back down to earth.

*****

Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country. ~ Anais Nin 

Arnab and the Plastic Factory

In most parts of the world men shave their chins. In South Korea the girls do. The guys are permanently trapped in a state of prepubescence, so the most they can hope for is some peach fuzz. The girls are not looking to get rid of any stubble, but the chin itself. Those with prominent jawlines or rectangular shaped heads get them chiseled down into more elegant forms. Chin shaving is just one of the many surgical procedures that are prevalent in the most superficial society on the planet. Modifications that endow the girl with a more three dimensional appearance are also common, such as nose jobs and breast augmentations.

Due to the high demand for cosmetic surgery, clinics can be found with almost the same frequency as coffee shops and convenience stores. Gangnam proudly promotes itself as the capital of medical tourism, with affordable prices luring in many Chinese and Japanese women. Subway stations are plastered with surgery advertisements. When I first moved to Seoul I stayed at a hotel with an in-house surgery clinic on the second floor. A van with tinted windows ferried customers directly from airport to the hotel, where they could get altered and rest in their hotel room without ever having to step outside during their recovery period.

While a little nip and tuck might increase the perceived societal worth of K-girls, nothing short of a full body transplant would help the large majority of the male populace. Usually they accompany the beauties, paying for all their purchases with their meagre yet hard earned salaries or from the allowance they get from their parents. The guys seem more like comic relief than leading men, varying in range from stone-faced businessmen to slack-jawed halfwits dressed in tight garments harkening back to the court jesters of yore. Shockingly and painfully, the girls are still enamoured with these unremarkable men while completely avoiding the breathtaking spectacle that is the Indo-Canadian Temptation.

*****

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." ~ Galileo Galilei

Gentleman

The average Korean man lives with his parents until he has saved enough money for marriage, plays a lot of video games, spends a few years doing mandatory military service, avoids sitting beside me on subways, partakes in heavy drinking sessions with his buddies or colleagues, and occasionally dispenses solid relationship advice:

If you want just that she beat you

then you should keep annoying her

but if you want more than that

then you should treat her gently

A Mean Looking Booger

Regardless of language, religion, age, income, or intellectual capability, men from all over the world always have at least one topic of shared interest. One fine spring day, a Korean man and I were discussing a specific subset of this fascinating subject. 

Korean man: I think if she makeup perfectly and dress up then she will be more beautiful.  

Me: Yes, if she dresses up and covers her pimples she will be quite nice. I see a booger in her left nose hole though. 

Korean man: What is booger? "Arnab is a mean looking booger" - is it right? 

Me: No, that is bugger. Booger is a dried piece of snot. It is the thing you find when you pick your nose. 

Korean man: Ahh, I see.

End of the Long March

As my time in China came to an end, one of my final trips was to Yan'an. The small city in Shannxi province is a major stop on the red tourism circuit, as fans of Mao flock here to see the caves in which the Chairman once lived. The legendary Long March came to an end near Yan'an and a revolution was born. It was here that Mao and his comrades set up camp, and engineered their plans for domination of the Middle Kingdom.

From 1936 to 1948, the town functioned as the headquarters of the Communist Party of China. During World War II, the Japanese flattened the city through aerial bombing. The citizens stayed in cave dwellings during wartime. The Yangjialing house caves where Mao Zedong and Zhou Enlai once lived and the accompanying auditorium and office buildings are the main stop for those on the Communist pilgrimage trail.

Yan'an is situated on a dusty plain surround by hills on all sides. The colossal Yan'an Revolutionary Memorial Museum, explains the tale of Mao, the rise of the Communist Party, and the corresponding increase in prosperity and power of a nation that had taken a back seat in world affairs until the past century. The museum had the the requisite Mao statue in the courtyard and gift store filled with Mao-morabilia. Apart from the propaganda pieces, a cliffside temple in the middle of the city is quite a sight to behold. Pagoda Hill also has some nice monuments and viewpoints on top. It is a relaxing spot to soak up the atmosphere after spending a long day basking in revolutionary glory.

We had a night train to catch to Beijing, but it seemed all the taxis were going in the opposite direction of the station after supper time. As the clock ticked ever closer to our departure time, my friend began to get jumpy. Finally we caught cab, but at the exact same moment two Chinese girls also caught it. My chivalrous nature took over, and I stepped aside and let them take the cab. The taxi driver refused to take them wherever they wanted to go and drove away. "What are you doing!? We have a train to catch!" my agitated travel buddy exclaimed. Seeing him gesticulate wildly, the girls asked if we needed any help. One of the two was ravishingly beautiful, and the other spoke a little English.

I showed the beauty my train ticket, and the other girl deduced that we wanted to go to the station. She suggested we cross the street and try there. I almost got run over by an oncoming truck, but the beauty pulled me to safety just in the nick of time. Some minutes later we found a taxi, and the ladies directed the driver to take us to the station posthaste. I bid them a melancholic farewell. Once in the cab, I wistfully remarked that I should have torn up the ticket and stayed in Yan'an - the "Cradle of Chinese Revolution". "My god, I have never seen anyone fall in love so fast." my friend said, shaking his head.

*****

"We think too small, like the frog at the bottom of the well. He thinks the sky is only as big as the top of the well. If he surfaced, he would have an entirely different view." - Mao Zedong