ARNABarbie

Barbie celebrated her 50th anniversary in style in 2009. More than just a doll, Barbie is a brand that has evolved with the times. The bikini wearing bimbo has had many careers, ranging from flight attendant to surgeon. The leggy blonde with the perfect figure is popular across the planet. Her dull boyfriend Ken is not.

Although Barbie was only introduced to the People's Republic ten years ago and I only arrived last year, China has embraced both pop culture icons wholeheartedly. The fashionable figurine staged an exhibition in the World Art Musuem near the China Millenium Monument to commerate five decades of existence. Scores of kids and adults alike came to marvel at the thousands of variations of the plastic girl on display. I, of course, was one of them.

*****

“To me, fair friend, you never can be old,
For as you were when first your eye I eyed,
Such seems your beauty still.”
~ William Shaksepeare

ARNABites

I cook very rarely. If I have to, it means that I have no family, friends, or females around who will make me food or go to a restaurant to eat with me. On the rare occasions that I do enter the kitchen, I am sure to deliver a feast unmatched in taste and texture, untried by the common chef, and untainted by prior cooking experience. I use a combination of heating techniques such as baking, microwaving, burning, grilling, boiling, and toasting to prepare the courses. A pathfinder in the culinary arts, I deliver dishes that the world has not seen before. Since I only cook for myself and never repeat a dish nor write down a recipe, I capture the moments of edible euphoria on camera.

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"One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating." ~ Luciano Pavarotti

The Largest City in the World

Chongqing was the provisional capital of China during the years of the Sino-Japanese war. Since then it has evolved into the nation's most prosperous inland city, famed both for its hot pot and its hot women. The central government carved the city out from the province of Sichuan, putting it in the same heady company as the other three directly controlled municipalities of Beijng, Tianjin, and Shanghai. The largest city on Earth based on the surface area it covers, Chongqing is spread around the confluence of the Yangzi and Jialing Rivers. The city state is the size of Austria and boasts 32 million inhabitants.

I flew from Beijing to Chongqing on October 1st, shortly after the the skies were reopened to commercial traffic following the 60th Anniversary Parade of the People's Republic. I visited the lavish Three Gorges Museum, the intriguing Planning Exhibition Gallery depicting the grand plans for Chongqing's future, and the Arhat Temple. Its rolling hills were a welcome change to the flat terrain of most Chinese cities, but the level of pollution was on par with the coastal megapolises. The sky and the river were similar shades of brown, and I spent only a few days there before heading of to the wilderness in Yunnan.

*****

"The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it doesn't matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark." ~ Barbara Hall

Yangshuo

One of the most frequently asked but hardest questions to answer for women in China is "Why don't you shave your armpits?". For me, that question has been "What is your favourite place that you have visited in China?". Usually I mutter a list that includes some of the recent places I have visited, but ostensibly it includes Yangshuo. The limestone paradise is located in the Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region.

Reachable from Guilin via road or river, Yangshuo is extremely popular among travelers but not overwhelmed by them. From spectacular scenery to hot air ballooning to tai chi lessons to 18 year old Chinese girls who want to practice their "Business English", the tourist haven of Yangshuo has something for everyone. Skirting the Li River, Yangshuo is surrounded by unique karst formations. Many people rent a bicycle and take a ride to the neighbouring villages. I took a bus.

Weather permitting, a folk musical is performed on the river every night. The water show is the brainchild of world renowned director Zhang Yimou, the man behind Hero and the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. I spent almost four days in  Yangshuo, but the water level was too high for the performance to take place safely.

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"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple." ~ Dr. Suess

The Persecution of the ARNABeard

Afflicted with pogonophobia from an early age due to a diet free of follicly gifted men, the vast majority of Chinese girls get the the chills when they see a man with facial hair. One day, I walked onto the street with a coworker. She immediately noticed that she did not have my undivided attention. Following my appreciative gaze, she deduced the source of my distraction.

"Look, so many beautiful girls all around..." she murmured.

"But none of them can speak English." I lamented.

"Have you ever considered that they aren't the problem? That you are!"

"Eh?" I sneered, one of my eyebrows arching upward.

"You should shave your beard!"

***

"You look like a bonobo!" squealed another Chinese girl, referring to the endangered great apes of Africa.

***

"Don't worry, you are still a good human being person." a Korean girl said comfortingly, after I told her about the persecution of the ARNABeard in China.

***

Ceding to popular sentiment, I finally shaved off my magnificent mane one night. The ARNABeard had been tamed, but not for long. Virile to the core, I sported stubble by the next morning. Nonetheless, my 5 o'clock shadow was appreciated by the local beauties far more than the resplendent glory of the thick yet well groomed masterpiece that had previously decorated my face.

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"There is always a period when a man with a beard shaves it off. This period does not last. He returns headlong to his beard." ~ Jean Cocteau