Formula 1: 2012 Korean Grand Prix

I slept in on Sunday morning in Mokpo, until only a few bodies were scattered around the previously packed floor of the jimjilbang. After a quick rinse, I left the bathhouse and made my way to a large man made waterfall on one edge of town. At a nearby bus stop I asked a beauty if the bus would go to the terminal. She looked at me, her double eyelids fluttering in fear, and emitted no sound. The bus driver was more friendly, nodding that the bus went to my destination. I ate some pork fat soup at a family run restaurant near the bus terminal. The old lady who ran the place brought me some extra fruit to eat and showed me how to peel them.

Conventional logic would have dictated the Korean stop on the Formula One schedule be located somewhere near Seoul or Incheon, perhaps somewhere like futuristic Songdo. In actuality the Korean International Circuit is located five hours to the south in Yeongam, on the opposite end of the peninsula. This is part of a government plan to promote tourism and boost the economy in this region, and it has poured a lot of money into the effort.

The bus ride from Mokpo to Yeongam was uneventful, as was the race after the first few laps. In Shanghai it rained the whole race, so there were a lot of slips, slides, and spins. The weather was cloudy but clear for the Korean Grand Prix. The track is the longest in Asia and second longest in the world after Italy's Monza. As the visibility was very good I could see a lot of the track from the grandstand, but there were no racing incidents or overtaking manoeuvres in my area.

I wagered that the action on the racetrack would be able to hold the attention of the K-girls in attendance for the first 10 laps of the 55 lap race before they reverted to playing with their handphones, but I was wrong. It took only 7 laps.  For the second time in as many Formula One races as I have been to, Sebastien Vettel emerged victorious. After the race there was a special concert by Gangnam Style sensation Psy, a last minute addition to draw in more spectators to the event.

*****

"Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built." – Henry Ford

One Night At The Korean Bathhouse

After the conclusion of the Mokpo Dancing Ocean Fountain show, I had some gimbap (Korean sushi) for dinner and then caught a movie at the theater, emerging outside again after midnight. I asked a Mokpo maiden for the nearest jimjilbang (Korean bathhouse) and she recoiled in horror. A helpful guy then told me where to go. The jimjilbang is a multipurpose facility, with a computer lab, exercise equipment, a canteen, and television area all available in addition to the saunas and massage rooms where I did not venture. When checking into one of these spas, the cashier hands over a baggy, and usually mustard coloured, set of shorts and shirt. These spas also have a communal sleeping area where people can sleep on the heated floor using hard wooden blocks as their pillows.

Photos: Tistory.com

In the changing room I saw more naked Korean men in one moment than naked Korean women I have seen in a lifetime. I placed my personal belongings in a locker, quickly took a shower, and headed to the co-ed sleeping area upstairs. Sleeping on the floor is a Korean tradition. It is highly uncomfortable for those not used to the practice. I continuously struggled to find a decent sleeping postion, squirming around like a severed tentacle of a recently living octopus. Many loud snores could be heard, drowning out the sound of the television that was on throughout the night. Jimjilbangs are the most cost effective way to catch some shut eye indoors in Korea. When I am not in the mood to look for a 24 hour McDonald's, Internet cafe, or ATM, there is no place like a jimjilbang to rest my weary soul when traveling solo.

*****

“What hath night to do with sleep?” ― John Milton, Paradise Lost

Shipwrecked

On the way down from Yudalsan, I stopped by at a serene Buddhist temple and then made my way through some winding alleys before emerging on to a main street. I hailed a taxi to the National Maritime Museum. On the drive there, a limousine passed us. Hanging out from the open trunk was a newlywed couple. We caught up to them at a traffic signal. The taxi driver rolled down his window and attracted their attention, pointing at me. They asked me where I was from.  I answered their query and congratulated them on their union. "Beeoootipool" the taxi driver said of the beaming bride, and the husband and I both nodded in agreement.

The pride of the National Maritime Museum is the wreck of an ancient trading vessel, a 700 hundred year old Chinese barge that used to traverse the aquatic Ceramic Road between China, Japan, and Korea before sinking off the coast of Korea. Artifacts from all three nations were found in the shipwreck of the Sinsan, as well as from India and other far off places.

The special exhibit was also fascinating, bringing to life the tale of a Korean fisherman who was shipwrecked (a recurring theme). He met with mishap after mishap as he tried to make his way home, spending agonizing months in Macao, the Philippines, and China until finally returning to his motherland. During those days, there was a gentleman's agreement among the nations of the South Asia to not harm castaways from other lands and to make their best effort to return them from whence they came. After he reunited with his family, the man took a prominent position in the Korean king's court. He helped those stranded in Korea return to their homelands, making good use of the cultural expertise and language skills he had picked up during his travails.

Mokpo's second most famous natural attraction is Gatbawi, a pair of rock formations shaped like two people wearing traditional Korean hats. The walkway leading to it had been washed away during a recent typhoon. I glimpsed it from behind and then headed to the main square of the city. The World Folk Music Festival was in full swing. I watched old people singing and dancing to traditional Korean music, as had been predicted by a young child at the train station. The seaside concert ended after sun set and was immediately followed by an impressive sound and light show on the 150 meter long Mokpo Dancing Ocean Fountain.

*****

"They make glorious shipwreck who are lost in seeking worlds." - Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

English Teachers

I summited several of the ridges of Yeodalsan and admired the view from each peak. Although farther away than the eye could see, I could hear the distant roars of the Formula One race cars as they whizzed around the circuit during the qualifying session. I ran into a couple of English teachers at the top. One of them was talking about a cartoon she saw. There were a series of pictures of the same Korean female at ages 15, 20, 30, 40, and 50. From ages 15-40 she looked like a gorgeous twenty-something and then suddenly transformed into a curly haired old lady at 50.

They told me they were currently teaching in Mokpo, but planned to travel to India for several months after their contract was up before taking up teaching positions in Kyrgyzstan. Most of the foreigners I encounter in Korea are ESL teachers, soldiers, or students. Teaching English is certainly not a bad way of life for those who are young, white, mobile, and unemployed/unemployable in their home countries. A lot of jobs require no background or interest in teaching, but merely a pulse and melanin depravation.

Whereas in China, there were many young professionals of good pedigree working full time in a variety of fields and disciplines, it is extremely rare to meet one in Korea. This may be because South Korea is further up the development ladder than China and already has enough domestic high level talent, or at least believes it does. The government requires stringent evidence from companies documenting why they need to employ foreign workers for non-teaching positions before granting long term work visas. To secure an ESL job on the other hand, all one has to do according to one of the teachers was "just send an email to Korea, and they will ask you when can you come over."

*****

"The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires." ~ William Arthur

Mokpo

I arrived by train to Mokpo, the nearest large city to the Formula One host town Yeongam, around noon on Saturday. As I exited the station I was welcomed by clever children from a local English language institute, who provided me with some pamphlets about the F1 race and a small souvenir . They pointed me to the stop for the free shuttle bus to the Korean International Circuit. I told them I would go there on Sunday to see the actual race, and asked if there were any events in Mokpo on Saturday. "No, unless you want to see old people dancing." said one child portentously.

I walked towards Mokpo's most famous landmark, Yudalsan, primarily because it was visible from the train station. I stopped for a quick bite at Lotteria, my favourite Korean fast food chain, before starting the ascent. As I was overtaking a couple, they spoke to me in clear English. Most Koreans are completely unable or afraid to speak English, especially to scary looking foreigners. Those that do are usually drunken old men or overzealous Christian missionaries.

This couple was neither of the above. They had just returned from America. The husband had just completed his masters in Philadelphia, and had returned with his now pregnant wife to Korea. She would stay at her parent's place nearby as the birth of their child approached, while the husband would visit her every weekend from his hometown.

They only made it partially up the mountain due to her present state, stopping near the statue of the legendary Korean Admiral Yi Sunsin. Although his troops were vastly outnumbered, the admiral had repelled a Japanese invasion here through guile by making it appear as if he had many more soldiers by using a strategy akin to what farmers do with scarecrows. I bid the couple farewell and good luck, before continuing onwards.

*****

“The soldier who fights to death never dies, but the soldier who fights for existence never truly exists.” ~ Admiral Yi Sunsin

Are You Afraid Of The Dark?

If there is one thing that can give a Korean beauty a more severe pimple outbreak than having to speak English in public, it is a face to face encounter with the Indo-Canadian Temptation. I was walking with a Dutchman towards a building in Seoul, looking for the entrance. A cute girl, ostensibly the greeter, was positioned nearby. She slowly backed away, an apprehensive look crossing her face.

Me: She does not look too hospitable. I think she is afraid.
Dutchman: I would be too... of you.

World of Starcraft

From the string of cookie cutter beauties churned out by the nation's finest surgeons to the bottomless bowls of kimchi provided as side dishes at Korean restaurants, many of the stereotypes about South Korea have been spot on. The gaming culture is no exception, as I would witness firsthand at a television studio in Mokdong during a live broadcast of a Starcraft tournament. As the most technologically savvy and socially awkward group in the world, young Koreans are almost always attached to their electronic devices while awake.

The Korean equivalent of Internet cafes, PC bangs, are usually open 24 hours a day. They can be found around the country, filled with avid gamers around the clock. Gaming addiction is an issue, with the government even attempting to put limits on the number of hours a person can play within a given time frame. There are cases of gamers passing away after marathon sessions at the computer. The victims are not limited to the players themselves. A baby died of malnutrition as her parents were so immersed in the digital world they neglected to feed her.

Starcraft is one of the video games that is wildly popular in South Korea. That is why there are television channels dedicated to broadcasting tournaments where top gamers battle it out in front of live studio audiences. The gamers sit in enclosed booths facing each other, free from the distractions of the outside world. Their antics are displayed on several large screens for the audience to witness. The crowd is evenly divided between foreign and local nerds. There is one girl in attendance, and one more who I am unsure about.

The spectators are offered free pizza during a break, which they gobble up in no time. To the left of the audience are English speaking commentators, and to the right are some extremely lively Korean commentators. They describe each attack and counterstrike between the battling gamers with an intensity that does not match my excitement level, but adds greatly to the atmosphere. Since most gamers rarely see the light of day, a visit to the studio provides an unique glimpse into an usually invisible aspect of modern day life in South Korea.

*****

"Champions rarely talk. They just perform and the world around them talks." - Unknown

Arnab Sensation

If heaven is a place on Earth, I may have stumbled upon it on the outskirts of Seoul at the KINTEX convention center. The Sensation concert series had landed in Asia for the first time, with Korea the first stop on the tour. I went with a group of Korean friends. The theme of the night was "An Ocean of White". This was reinforced by the all white dress code required for all attendees, set decoration drawing inspiration from the depths of the sea, and k-girls covered in dollops of skin whitening cream.

There were around 20,000 revelers in attendance. As the event was about to begin, streams of angelic figures waited to enter the main event hall. The concert started around 10pm at night and continued until 5am the next morning. Each DJ mixed for about an hour and a half. It was not all about the beats though, as the house music was accompanied by water fountains, lasers, giant beach balls thrown into the crowd, pyrotechnics, and dancing girls who had their upper bodies enclosed in plastic bubbles.

The k-girls would go outside the main hall to rest whenever they got tired, a frequent occurrence. Exhausted beauties were scattered across the grounds like confetti, sitting on the floor after taking of their killer heels, lined up in lengthy queues outside the bathrooms (where the mirrors are larger than the hand mirrors they carry in their purses), or sipping coffee while playing on their smartphones.

Source: Sensation

"It is like paradise" I exhaled, dabbing the drool off my face with a moist towelette. As a steady stream of Korean beauties sauntered past me with expressions ranging from vacant to disgusted, I expressed my oft repeated regret that they may not speak English. "I hope they don't" said a Korean man standing nearby with a self-satisfied grin on his face.

Source: Sensation

I posed with several starlets, who quickly dispersed after taking a photograph with me. After seeing one such photo, a friend of mine commented that "This picture is very misleading as if you are a hot guy among girls. It could lead Indian boys to immediately buy a one way Korean ticket." To be fair, this was an improvement over regular encounters where a k-girl is more likely to be using her phone to call a park ranger to tranquilize me rather than to store my contact number.

As dawn approached the revelers groggily made their way to the subway station to catch the first train of a new day. Every seat was occupied by someone dressed in white, a shocking sight for passengers at subsequent stops. They must have wondered why so many hospital patients, spa goers, and lunatics from the insane asylum were all out at the same time. A random girl sitting beside me fell asleep, placing her head on my able shoulders. Her head slid steadily downwards, before jerking back up just in the nick of time. The passengers who were still awake watched with bemused expressions on their faces.

*****

"Take your pleasure seriously." — Charles Eames

Haji Ali

I moved to Mumbai to help work towards eliminating educational inequity in India. Five hundred years ago, Sayyed Peer Haji Ali Shah Bukhari left behind his worldly possessions here before setting off on a pilgrimage to Mecca. He perished on the journey, with the casket carrying his body cast into the Arabian Sea.

His coffin miraculously found its way back to the shores of Mumbai, lodging itself in an islet by Worli. On this site, the dargah (shrine) of Haji Ali was built. Nowadays tens of thousands of pilgrims from all faiths and walks of life visit the well known landmark. It is only accessible from the mainland via a half kilometer long path during low tide.

Sitting on each side of the path are lepers, begging mothers with their children, the blind, and others cast an unfair lot in life. Walking through this Noah's Ark for the disenfranchised is not a pleasant experience, but a necessary one. The shrine itself may provide relief to some, while others relax on one of the many boulders behind the dargah.
 

*****

"There is only one way in which one can endure man's inhumanity to man and that is to try, in one's own life, to exemplify man's humanity to man." - Alan Stewart Paton

ARNABabe: The Pretender

Me: I like girls who are intelligent as well as beautiful.
Indian beauty: You know some beautiful girls only pretend to be dumb.
Me: Really?
Indian beauty: Yes, they are actually very smart.
Me: Then why would they pretend to be dumb?
Indian beauty: It is easier for them to get what they want that way, without having to give it much effort.
Me: Oh, I see. That is actually very clever.
Indian beauty: Yes.
Me: So are you only pretending?

She never spoke to me again.

Korean Age

Koreans calculate their age in a unique way. A baby begins life as a one year old, receiving credit for the time spent in the mother's womb. According to the custom, when a new year begins everyone becomes another year older. If we are following the solar calendar, a baby born on December 31 would be one year old on New Year's Eve and two years old on New Year's Day despite being an individual entity for only 48 hours or so.

 

*****

 

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age." ~ Robert Frost

Blood and Soil

For a man who embodies the very best of the East and West, the answer to the simplest of questions can lead to much confusion. Most Korean and Chinese people will not believe I am from Canada. My passport and birth certificate will not suffice as proof, even if accompanied by a note from the Canadian embassy. They will rest easy only after I expand upon my origin story and tell them of my Indian roots. All preconceived notions that they have about dark skinned people are then immediately applied to me.

Korean man: Where you come from?
Me: Canada.
Korean man: Really? But judging your accent, you are Arabic?
Me: No, you mean judging from my appearance.
Korean man: Oh... sorry.

The Latin terms jus sanguinis (right of blood) and jus soli (right of soil) describe two alternate approaches to determining nationality. The former refers to citizenship being determined based on the nationality of the newborn child's parents. In the latter case, citizenship is granted based on the physical location of where the child was born.

When a Korean or Chinese asks the "Where you from?" question to an exotic being, what they are interested in is the blood and not the soil. What I hear is "Which country were you born in?". What they are actually asking is "What is your ethnic background?" or "Where do your ancestors come from?". These are perfectly legitimate questions, although white guys are never asked if they are really Scottish, English, French, Italian, or Russian if they say they are from Canada or America.

*****

All good people agree,
  And all good people say,
All nice people, like Us, are We
  And every one else is They:
But if you cross over the sea,
  Instead of over the way,
You may end by (think of it!) looking on We
  As only a sort of They!
~ "We and They" by Rudyard Kipling

Girls Generation

It took South Korea only three decades to transform from a recipient of foreign aid to a donor nation, making it the first and till date only country to achieve this remarkable feat. The economy was not the only thing to transform during this time span. When looking at older women or historical archives, and then comparing their looks to the current generation of young Korean ladies the difference is night and day.

The visual discrepancy between the past and current generation may be explained by several factors. Whether through an improvement in general nutrition and standard of living, the availability of affordable surgical procedures, or generous helpings of makeup, the results are truly startling. Throughout history the Korean men have consistently maintained their gauche looks, so the transition from ogre to ogled is unique to the Korean female.

The average Korean man sports the appearance of someone who has been repeatedly victimized, first by being bludgeoned with a baseball bat to the face and then via several comprehensive sessions of electrolysis. Their aesthetic deficit is completely forgiven by the modern Korean ladies, who cling to them like security blankets. To their credit, the Korean guys are well mannered, hygienic, fashion conscious, and surprisingly well built, perhaps due to the years spent performing mandatory military service.

*****

"Normal alien can't dicriminate which Korean girl is more beautiful. They like ugly or normal k-girl, but you know which is better." - the ultimate compliment given to me by a Korean man

DMZ

The northeastern-most point of the demilitarized zone (DMZ) between South and North Korea is about 50 kilometers from the beach town of Sokcho. Of course, calling the world's most heavily fortified border demilitarized is like calling the many hours that Koreans spend in the office productive. I was accompanied by Adrian, an avid rock climber, to the Goseong Unification Observatory.

There was no simple way to reach the viewpoint near the border without an automobile. After taking a succession of buses, each stopping at its terminal and telling us that no buses would go any further, we were given a ride to the DMZ by a friendly mixed race couple. The man was Chinese and the lady was Korean, a rare combination in the land of racial purity and ethnic hierarchy.

We had to climb a hill to reach the viewpoint, passing the cleverly labelled "Last Restroom" on the way  up to the summit. I was able to glimpse North Korea for the second time, with the first being from atop the Great Wall in the Chinese border outpost of Dandong. I used the telescope to get a closer look but could not see much apart from a few foot soldiers and some supply trucks. The scenery was a blend of green hills, sandy beaches, blue skies, turquoise waves, and barbed wire. Chain link fencing on the coastline was an eyesore, but an integral part of the security measures taken by both sides to prevent hostiles from intruding into their lands.

We stopped by at the recently constructed DMZ Museum before heading back. A chronology of the various events that led to the current situation was explained in layman's terms, culminating with a message of peace and hope for a shared future. The couple lived in Sokcho, so they offered us a ride all the way there. We treated them to lunch at a seaside restaurant, and then dozed off in the back of the car as it made its way back to town.

*****

"You have to be able to risk your identity for a bigger future than the present you are living." – Fernando Flores

Kuala Lumpur

After enjoying my first taste of Malaysia in Penang, I made my way to Kuala Lumpur. The delicious food, multi ethnic population, tropical climate, and solid transportation system make Kuala Lumpur a very livable city, but not a particularly exciting one. KL is interesting compared to the island sized shopping mall that is neighbouring Singapore, but nowhere near as fascinating as the Beijings and Bombays of the world in terms of tourist attractions, history, or atmosphere. Nor does it boast the exquisitely crafted beauties of the world's plastic surgery capital, Seoul.

A relatively new city, Kuala Lumpur began its life in the mid nineteenth century as a tin mining outpost. The iconic Petronas Twin Towers are the most eye catching of KL's landmarks, with its design based on traditional Islamic geometric patterns. Once the world's tallest structure, it now sits at fifth place in the ever changing rankings. They remain the tallest twin towers ever constructed. An upmarket shopping complex, movie theatre, art gallery, and beautifully landscaped gardens are all a part of the grounds.

In the old part of town, Chinatown, Little India, and colonial buildings can be explored on foot. Merdeka Square, where the flag of Malaysia was first hoisted after it became an independent nation, is a nice place to relax in between. To escape the heat I dropped into the free and air conditioned Textile Museum. The staff seemed surprised to see a visitor. 

At Masjid Jamek, I followed the example of those entering before me and respectfully donned a blue graduation type gown before going in. Men slumbered peacefully in the shade provided by the hundred year old mosque's pavilions. As I perspired, I realized that the gowns were only meant to cover up guys in shorts or ladies that were skimpily dressed.

During my remaining time in Kuala Lumpur, I wandered around the shopping areas of Bukit Bintang, stopped outside the King's Palace, and ate hairy crab with my former Beijing roommate and a Malaysian siren. At the Central Market, I went to a fish spa where the sea critters enthusiastically nibbled away on my dead skin.

*****

"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." – St. Augustine