Radish and Hoe

In Beijing, my colleague and I were returning to the office after lunch. A girl passed by in front of us. Her boyfriend, obediently carrying her purse, followed a few steps behind. She was not aesthetically pleasing, causing my non-judgmental eyes to widen. "Even she has a boyfriend!" I exclaimed. "Every radish has a hoe" explained my coworker, unperturbed by the whole affair.

For every 100 girls born in China today there are around 120 baby boys born. It is estimated that there is a surplus of more than 33 million men in the mating market. With so many young men and so few women, the situation I encountered is not altogether unsurprising.

A desire for a son is common in societies across the world. In Korea, sons are expected to carry on the family names - Kim, Park, and Lee. China is no different. This preference combined with limitations on how many babies can be popped out in major cities has led to a severe shortage of the gamete producers in recent decades. The sex ratio imbalance means prospective husbands must possess either higher and higher net worths or lower and lower standards if they wish to be betrothed, while aspiring wives have the pick of a rather unimpressive litter.

Two Worlds, One Francisco

With its Soweto-like living conditions and Swedish level cost of living, modern day San Francisco is a curious place. On one hand there is the decaying infrastructure and the complete absence of a social safety net for its many impoverished and insane citizens. On the other are wealthy Silicon Valley nerds who drive up rental prices and bring their dogs to work after receiving a corporate shuttle ride from the city to their coding farms in the soulless suburbs of Cupertino, Mountain View, and Palo Alto.

These two segments of society collide with predictably unsavoury results, one left behind and the other pushing ahead. Newcomers to the city such as myself are left hovering somewhere between these two worlds, working in one but living in the other. 

****

Either you have money, or you have time. Then you move to San Francisco... and you have neither!
~ Remark by a Spanish friend of mine who recently moved to the Bay Area to attend a short term study program

Talk to Me

Female coworker: This guy never talks to me.

Another coworker: Really?

Me: No, that's not true. I said goodbye once.

Female coworker: That is true. He did say goodbye once, but that was right after I had asked him to have a one hour conversation with me.

The USS Midway

Decommissioned in 1992, the USS Midway now calls San Diego home. Once the world’s largest ship and now its most visited naval ship museum, the USS Midway is so large that it cannot make it through the Panama Canal (imagine a Texan trying to squeeze into a standard size airplane seat). In service for an astonishing 47 years, it played key roles in the Vietnam War and Operation Desert Storm in the Gulf War, upholding the American ideals of strength, freedom, and peace across the globe. 

Interestingly enough, the USS Midway was also summoned to Korea to provide a show of strength during Operation Paul Bunyan. After the axe-murder incident where North Koreans offed several American soldiers using said instrument when they were trying to chop down a tree in the DMZ that obscured the view between watch posts, an overwhelming show of force was demonstrated by the United States. The Midway stood guard while the tree was successfully cut down 3 days after the initial incident. 

Entering service two years after the end of World War II, the ship is named after the pivotal Battle of Midway.  Several hours to a day can be spent exploring the many decks of the vessel, home to 225,000 seamen over its decades of service. Elderly volunteers explain the inner workings of the engine and boiler rooms. Aircraft adorn the entire stretch of the almost 1000 foot long flight deck, along with Chinese tourists taking silly photos. 

 

*****

Sign on, young man, and sail with me. The stature of our homeland is no more than the measure of ourselves. Our job is to keep her free. Our will is to keep the torch of freedom burning for all. To this solemn purpose we call on the young, the brave, the strong, and the free. Heed my call, Come to the sea. Come Sail with me. ― John Paul Jones

Roaches to Riches

Friend: Did you find a place to stay yet?

Me: Yes, but it's in the Tenderloin.

Friend: When is your housewarming party?

Me: The place is so small that no one else will fit inside.

Friend: Really? So your parents won't visit?

Me: Then I'll have to sleep on the floor... with the roaches.

Friend: What bs. You can complain to the city if you have roaches. You do realize that?

Me: I only complain about the decrepit state of America in general.

Friend: Haha, then go back to Canada... or Korea. If you are not one of those people looking to go from roaches to riches then America is not for you!

Beets Me

Two American girls came and sat at my table at a mall food court while I was in the process of consuming a chicken burrito.

Girl #1: Are beets vegetables?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: Oh, I didn't know that. Anyways, I'm thinking of stopping being a vegetarian. I'm feeling tired a lot these days.
Girl #2: That's why I quit being a vegetarian. My energy levels were sooo low and I was craving meat all the time. If your body craves something that badly you should just eat it. I mean it craves it for a reason, right?
Girl #1: Yeah, that's right.

BART Ride

BART is shorthand for Bay Area Rapid Transit. It is not to be confused with the character of the same name on the long running American cartoon show The Simpsons. BART is an aging system of trains that pass for public transportation in the region. The signage is horrendous and the intercom barely audible. The trains are infrequent and most ticketing machines are out of order. If a station once had a functioning escalator it has most likely reverted back to a staircase long ago. The stations also serve as homeless shelters in a nation which has as little regard for its poor as it does for its public transportation infrastructure.

Entrance to a BART station

While San Francisco is a large open air urinal for many of its wild and wacky inhabitants, BART is a veritable bathroom in motion. The only reason it is not called BARF is because that would not encompass the entirety of the human deposits left behind on the train over the decades. Many of the train carriages on BART come with wall-to-wall carpeting. The aged fabric is splotched with the stains of time and puke. Sometimes the floor is sticky. Occasionally, the seats are as well. The fragrances on board are in sync with the stains on the floors.

*****

“A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes - and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside...”  ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Like a Villain

Coworker: Where do you live?

Me: In the Tenderloin.

Coworker: Oh, I never go to that part of town!

Me: Why not? It has character.

Coworker: Like a villain has character.

Standard Deviation

Manager: Why isn't anything working today!?

Subordinate: You ask this question as if somehow today is a deviation from the norm.

Dumpster

Me: There's a notice posted on the door of my apartment elevator asking people not to leave their garbage inside.

Friend: Arnab, are you OK with these restrictions on your freedom?

Tales from the Taqueria

Despite being plagued by a string of natural and man-made calamities ranging from drought and destitution to earthquakes and tech geeks, the Bay Area does have some redeeming qualities. Chief among them is the authentic Mexican fare found at franchises like Chipotle or at the many mom and pop taquerias dotting neighbourhoods like the Mission. The tacos, burritos, nachos, and a barley/rice based concoction known as horchata are all delightful menu items. Ordering these can get a bit messy when the service staff have accents thicker than a scoop of guacamole.

Me: Can I have super nachos with chorizo?

Waitress: Is that for here or to go?

Me: Chorizo.

Waitress: No, do you want it for here or to go?

Me: To go.

Waitress: With chorizo?

Me: No, to go.