June 22, 2011

Inside the Mind of a Chinese Woman

Although love can never be broken down logically into a set of discrete and measurable characteristics, a noble scientist nonetheless attempts to do so after using himself as a guinea pig for the experiments. The ideal man in the mind of an Indian mother had been studied previously, but the intricacies of the Chinese female brain are an altogether different matter.

1) Categories

Let us begin with ten distinct traits a beautiful Chinese woman would find desirable or undesirable in a man.

Desirable: Is he Chinese, funny, handsome, honest, hygienic, kind, rich, smart, and well-mannered?
Undesirable: Is he scary?

2) Test candidates

Two archetypes, the Indo-Canadian Temptation and the Rich Chinese Guy, will act as the objects of desire on whom the experiment will be performed.

3) Scoring mechanism

The two candidates will be given scores of 1 or 0 for each trait, with 1 going to the man who wins that category. No ties will be accepted, so each category will have a clear winner. If neither candidate merits a win in a particular category, there shall still be a loser. Scores of 0 and -1 will be given with the stronger, though still weak, candidate getting a 0 in this scenario.

4) Test Data

After sorting through real world data, the results were compiled. The Indo-Canadian Temptation secured 7 categories, while 3 were claimed by the Rich Chinese Guy.

Exhibit 1 - Raw Data

4) Weighting

Now that we know who the participants are, the characteristics that will be measured, and the ranking methodology to be used, only one other variable remains. The relative importance of each characteristic must be determined. A weighting must be assigned to see how much impact each trait has in winning a beautiful Chinese girl's heart.

Two tables are henceforth displayed. The first shows the results if an equal weighting is given to all categories. The second shows the results with weightings matching the importance of each trait.

Exhibit 2 - Equal Weighting

As expected, the Indo-Canadian Temptation's strength and consistency across most categories allows him to win the girl's heart with a score of 30. The Rich Chinese Guy hangs his head in shame with a -10 performance.

Exhibit 3 - Relative Weighting

When relative weighting is used according to the preferences of a Chinese girl the Rich Chinese Guy scores an unbeatable 80 by putting all his eggs into the highly weighted baskets of being rich and Chinese. Despite dominating 7 of 10 categories, the Indo-Canadian Temptation falls short of his goal with a lousy -20 rating.

5) Analysis

Exhibit 4 - Average Score and Margin of Victory

When an average of these two measures is taken, the Rich Chinese Guy still comes out on top 2-1. He also has a larger margin of victory over his opponent when he wins. At first glance, the equally weighted index seems to indicate a landslide victory for the Indo-Canadian Temptation based on his across the board excellence. Further investigation reveals that their are some hidden variables that have to be taken into consideration. This tilts the game of love heavily in favour of the Rich Chinese Guy. Although the Indo-Canadian Temptation has delved inside the mind of a beautiful Chinese girl, he still remains outside of her heart.


“He who studies books alone will know how things ought to be, and he who studies men will know how they are.” — Charles Caleb Colton