Standard Deviation

Manager: Why isn't anything working today!?

Subordinate: You ask this question as if somehow today is a deviation from the norm.

Dumpster

Me: There's a notice posted on the door of my apartment elevator asking people not to leave their garbage inside.

Friend: Arnab, are you OK with these restrictions on your freedom?

Tales from the Taqueria

Despite being plagued by a string of natural and man-made calamities ranging from drought and destitution to earthquakes and tech geeks, the Bay Area does have some redeeming qualities. Chief among them is the authentic Mexican fare found at franchises like Chipotle or at the many mom and pop taquerias dotting neighbourhoods like the Mission. The tacos, burritos, nachos, and a barley/rice based concoction known as horchata are all delightful menu items. Ordering these can get a bit messy when the service staff have accents thicker than a scoop of guacamole.

Me: Can I have super nachos with chorizo?

Waitress: Is that for here or to go?

Me: Chorizo.

Waitress: No, do you want it for here or to go?

Me: To go.

Waitress: With chorizo?

Me: No, to go.

I Can't Believe It's Not Better

Korean man: I'm the piece of better that is melting on the frying pan which name is you.

Korean lady: Butter.

Scam Francisco

San Francisco's red hot real estate market has drawn many rats out from the woodwork, and I am not referring to those that zip around the kitchen floors of restaurants in its historic Chinatown. While trawling the web for leads on any affordable and decent accommodation, I would sometimes find places that were both livable and within my budget. All of these turned out to be scams. The contact person would concoct various reasons as to why he could not give a tour of the place, but request a deposit or first month's rent to secure the rental property in my name. I did not fall for such tricks:

Exhibit 1 - The Turkish Family

Please be informed that the apartment is not available for immediate viewing or move-in until June 29th as the apartment is currently been occupied by a Turkish family and before they rented the apartment they requested for complete privacy which I granted. If the timing works for you and you do not want to miss renting the apartment, then you can have it reserve for you until you view/move-in with the payment of the first month rental fee plus the refundable security deposit.

Exhibit 2 - The Man from North Carolina

I will be very happy to have you as one of my potential tenants because i believe we will have a cordial relationship together. I will reserve the apartment for you till your move in date in order for you to be rest assured i want you in the apartment but i will need a serious confirmation or commitment from you because i will be coming all the way from Graham, NC to show you round the apartment/handover the keys to you because that's where i work. Secondly, as you know people are also making inquiry regarding the apartment and business is based on first pay first serve. Have had some difficulties with some tenants in the past who claim to be serious in renting my apartment but unfortunately, it all proof abortive and this has been causing some damages to me and my work because i need to travel all the way from North Carolina down to the city and i dont my coming down to the city to be like a waste of time which had happened to me in the past. There is everything needed in the apartment for you to live comfortably. Your details will be used to prepare your tenancy agreement form once we have reach an agreement. Hope you understand me clearly? Await your reply so that we can proceed further.