Angels and Demons

My Irish flatmate, his American colleague, and I form a formidable trio in Beijing. We are different enough from each other to keep things interesting, but similar enough to remain friends. A Filipina assessed our individual characteristics and came up with the following verbal portrait of our distinct natures:

1. The Irishman, a scoundrel of the highest order, is beyond redemption. She dubbed him a 'devil'.
2. The American 'bad boy' still has goodness in his heart and can one day return to the path of righteousness.
3. My noble nature is so pure and untarnished that there is a likelihood I could snap at any moment and fall into an abyss of sin (see point #1).

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"Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." - Abraham Lincoln

ARNABungee: Notice to Jumping

Long Qing Xia is a scenic area located 90km away from Beijing. The Long Qing gorge hosted my first ever bungee jump. Before I leaped into the unknown, I pored over the warning notice that was posted near the entrance.

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Jumping down from the jumping platform is a real challenge to people of the world nowadays. It is also the bravers' enjoyment. Anyone who will join in this activity must pay attention to the following:

1. People who suffer hypertension, heart disease and mental disease are forbidden. The pregnant women and the people who drink are also not allowed to join in the activity.

2. If children under 18 want to join in it, they must have the guardians sign.

3. The jumpers must do everything under the conduct of the workers. Don't have fun or play in the public space of entertainment. Don't damage any facilities.

4. While doing jumping, one mustn't take your valuables or anything easy to drop with you.

5. Admission by ticket only. One has a ticket. The ticket that is sold can't be returned or exchange with others.

6. If anyone hesitates about jumping on the jumping platform beyond three minutes, he or she is considered to waive the right to jump.

Lost Wallet

I awoke on a sunny Saturday afternoon and got ready to do some sightseeing in Beijing. I locked the door to my room and put the keys in my pocket. Something was awry. Several denominations of Chinese currency (RMB) were in my pocket. My trusty phone was there also. So was my transit pass. Assorted pieces of lint were also present. But my wallet was missing!

I looked around my room, which was as spic and span as a country man. My wallet was AWOL. I expanded my search to all corners of my apartment, going over it with a fine toothed comb. I looked between the sofa cushions. I emptied the trash can. I checked the fridge. Nowhere to be found was my wayward wallet.

I wallowed in self pity for a few moments, munching on some meat-flavoured bean product that I bought from the local convenience store with some of my remaining change. Then I sprung into action, notifying my financial institutions of my misfortune. They canceled my credit cards immediately. I contacted the venues I recollected being at the night before, but they had not seen my misplaced wallet either. It was gone forever.

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“Loss is nothing else but change, and change is Nature's delight.” - Marcus Aurelius

People's Liberation

About to head off from Bangalore to Mahabalipuram for a beach weekend, a Korean and I made our way to the Majestic bus station. A bus heading to our destination arrived punctually at our scheduled departure time of 9:30 pm. We got on, only to be informed that this was actually the 8:30 pm bus. We got off and waited. In due time I headed off to the washroom. The dutiful Koreanette remained at the bus stop to watch over my travel gear.

I entered the public bathroom and found all the water closets occupied. Several uncomfortable minutes passed and the situation remained the same. I discovered that all the stalls were locked from the inside except for one. I could still hear noises coming from inside this one though. The stench was most foul. A poor soul seemed to be trapped inside, seeking deliverance at the hands of a fellow potty patron. I unlocked the door, and out popped a beleaguered looking fellow who quickly ran outside. I do not know how long he had been dwelling in the commode.

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"A hero is someone who understands the responsibility that comes with his freedom." - Bob Dylan

Peking Dick

Beijing may be famous for its Peking duck, but some other specialties also stick out. At a roadside stall in Wangfujing I was offered a skewer of lamb penis that was being sold by a cocky food seller. He gave me the shaft. Not wanting to be a dick, I purchased and devoured the organ. My roommate did not want to be a member to the act, so he refrained from gobbling the knob. He felt like a wiener as he watched me chew on the sheep schlong.

My flatmate also vowed never to accompany me to the first specialty palace of phallus in the world. The Guolizhuang genital restaurant serves the love skin of various animals, boasting a virile customer base and strong growth prospects. Privately owned and operated, it is not a stop on any of the standard package tours.