Dumb Girls

One of the guys I supervised at work used to make the same mistake repeatedly. I inquired as to why.

Coworker: You know I am dumb.
Me: I only like dumb people who are pretty girls.
Coworker: Pretty girls are dumb if they like you.

In Elite Company

I tried in vain to convince a smart Chinese girl that the wonderfulness of a girl is independent of her intelligence level. She commented disdainfully on my weakness for air headed beauties: "What a shame if an elite were to marry a stupid woman".

A Time For Change

After two years at Interone, I decided to ride off into the sunset and return to Vancouver. Before I left Beijing, I cleaned my room for the first time. In China, retailers and other persons involved in commercial activities never seem to have any change for the 100 RMB notes that are dispersed by the ATM's. Any occasion to break up a large bill into smaller notes and coins must be seized. This solves the problem of not having any change, but the issue of having too much soon rises as I stockpile smaller denominations. A continuous struggle exists to maintain an equilibrium between an empty pocket and a healthy collection of loose change to meet the daily needs of an individual.

When I returned home at night, I would empty my pockets of any remaining currency. The bills would float gracefully to the floor, awaiting the tender touch of my fingertips the next morning. Before leaving for work, I would pick out the crispest of the notes and stuff them into my pocket for a new day. Over the years, a surplus of small change congregated on my apartment room floor. I collected all the money I could find into a plastic bag. I used this lump sum to pay for my farewell lunch for around 20 colleagues. The waiter gave up on counting the cash, so my coworkers divied up the bills and did the accounting work for him. Once the bill was paid, I still had a lot left over.

*****

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." - Barack Obama

The City In The Center Of China

Wuhan is located smack dab in the middle of China. The capital of Hubei province is an amalgamation of three cities - Wuchang, Hankou, and Hanyang - divided by two rivers - the Yangtze and the Han. It's nine million strong population makes Wuhan the largest city in central China. The Wuchang Uprising in Wuhan triggered the end of imperial rule and ushered in the age of the Republic of China. The city was briefly the capital of the country during Kuomintang rule in the 1920's.

East Lake is the largest lake within a Chinese city. I have yet to discover what is the largest Chinese city within a lake. Although nowhere as picturesque as Hangzhou's West Lake, it does make for an enjoyable stroll along its tree lined perimeter. The Hubei Provincial Musuem was closed, so I visited the Hubei Musuem of Art right beside it. The Yellow Crane Tower, one of China's "Three Great Towers", stands tall on a hill overlooking the city. Its principal claim to fame is that it is immortalized in several touching poems.

After visiting Comrade Mao's former residences, I caught a taxi to get a glimpse of the hulking Number One Yangtze River Bridge, which has a dual layer design to accomodate both cars and trains at once. In the middle of a busy intersection, the driver stopped to pick up his wife, girlfriend, or a female filling a similar role in his life. While I sat uncomfortably in the front, she applied makeup in the back seat. He then dropped her off in the opposite direction before continuing to my specified destination.

I crossed the mighty Yangtze in a crowded ferry, the murky waters blending together with the grey skies and concrete cityscape. I disembarked on the Hankou side, and sauntered past 19th century colonial buildings. Like the rest of the nation, there is a construction boom in Wuhan. I took the new subway line to Wuhan Tiandi, a swanky shopping and dining district modelled after Shanghai's Xintiandi where I had dinner to cap off my two days in town. Seasoned with soy sauce, sesame paste, and diced vegetables, the local favourite re gan mian makes this city a noodle lover's delight.

*****

My old friend bids a westerly farewell to Yellow Crane Tower, 

In the misty blossoms of April as he goes down to Yangzhou. 

His lone sail is a distant shadow disappearing in the azure void, 

All I see is a long river flowing to the edge of heaven. 

~ Li Bai ~ 

Chinese New Year

For many families, sons and daughters are scattered throughout China, each chasing their dreams of a better life. The Lunar New Year is one of the few times a year the whole family has the chance to gather together. For the most important holiday of the year, workers are usually granted around ten days off from the daily grind. Hundreds of millions journey across the land to reunite with their loved ones, making it the largest annual mass migration in human history.

I had arrived in the People's Republic in the middle of the Chinese New Year festivities of 2009. It was only fitting that two years later my parents would visit me during this time of joyous celebration. We went to several temple fairs around Beijing. Most of the temple fairs take place in parks and not temples. In Ditan Park there were performances of traditional folk dances and stalls selling snacks and tacky items. The crowds were thick. There was even a marriage market, where parents could post ads proclaiming how wonderful their children were for potential suitors and browse through the current offerings.

Another good temple fair was held at Grand View Garden, which is a replica of the imperial garden Daguanyuan. Originally created as the set for the TV series "A Dream of Red Mansions", it was later converted into a permanent tourist attraction at the behest of the local government. As many scenic spots in China have been reconstructed from the ground up in the past twenty years, this fact did not lessen the beauty of the magnificent gardens. The lake in the middle was frozen solid, with cherry blossoms blooming on its fringes.

The walking street of Qianmen near Tiananmen Square had been decorated from one end to another with red lanterns. The fireworks exploded in the air all around us as we strolled along the street, dropping in for dinner at Quanjude Roast Duck Restaurant. The original outlet of this Beijing instituition opened its doors to the public in 1864, becoming the first to offer Peking Duck to the non-imperial masses. Chairman Mao declared the restaurant was so good that it must remain open for all eternity. Pele, Yasser Arafat, and Fidel Castro are among the other international celebrities who have since visited the grandiosely decorated establishment.

*****

Each age has deemed the new born year,

The fittest time for festal cheer.

- Sir Walter Scott -

Fire In The Sky

The Chinese New Year is celebrated with full fervour by young and old alike. Their favourite pastime during lunar new year is launching rockets into the sky. Everyone can participate - whether it is on the streets, within the courtyard of apartment complexes, or on the rooftops of multi-billion dollar buildings that have recently finished construction. As soon as it gets dark, pyrotechnics shoot out from every nook and cranny. Beijing feels like a war zone, as explosions reverberate throughout the night sky. To usher in the Year of the Rabbit, I stepped outside from my apartment in Jin Gang Guoji to watch the fireworks and was thoroughly entertained.

Pursed Lips

When a Chinese lady goes out in public and is accompanied by a male companion, the man has one duty apart from being a walking wallet. He must also carry her purse. I am not a fan of this requirement.

Me: You are not wearing high heels.
Pretty Chinese Girl: Why should I wear high heels for you? You don't even carry my purse. Bastard!

Beijing's Best View

Beijing is a massive city. The scale of the metropolis can be experienced on the ground while stuck in traffic for miles on end or underneath via its lengthy subway system, but it is best appreciated from above. Both the Atmosphere bar in China World Trade Center and China Bar in Yintai Center provide solid rooftop views of the downtown core. Excluding mirrors and other reflective surfaces, Beijing's best view can be found in the west side of the city.

For a more detailed perspective of the urban sprawl, a journey up to the top of the CCTV Tower is needed on a blue sky day. Springing up beside the cherry blossoms in nearby Yuyuantan Park, the CCTV Tower rises to a height of 405 meters. Visitors can get a panoramic view of the city from its observation deck. Informative plaques provide hints to what famous sites are located in which direction.

CCTV is China's national broadcaster. Every Chinese New Year it hosts a ludicrously popular variety show that is watched by hundreds of millions of viewers. The whole family traditionally watches the show together. Singing, dancing, and stand up comedy performances usher in the new lunar year. The observatory has an exhibit on this annual gala, chronicling its progression through the years.

*****

"A well-ordered life is like climbing a tower; the view halfway up is better than the view from the base, and it steadily becomes finer as the horizon expands." - William Lyon Phelps

Canal Towns: Qibao

I have a certain affinity for canal towns. The region around Shanghai is dotted with them, bringing me back time and again to enjoy the echoes of the past. The White washed buildings, narrow alleys, and soothing waterways of Qibao are just one example of these wonderful ancient villages. I dropped by for a visit while in town to see the Shanghai Formula One Grand Prix.

Within easy walking distance of a subway station, the township of Qibao falls within Shanghai's city limits. It is easy to get lost amidst the throngs of visitors milling about. Qibao means "Seven Treasures". Folk tales abound about these treasured items, but only the whereabouts of a bronze bell from the Ming era and some Buddhist scriptures are presently known.

*****

"Like water, we are truest to our nature in repose." - Cyril Connolly

Pet Conspiracy

With restrictions on the number of babies a family can pop out, people in China tend to pour their excess affection into pets once their child leaves home. Cats and dogs are pampered to no end. The love of the owner is directly proportional to their purchasing power. Showered with luxuries previously saved for heads of state, the pets are groomed at expensive parlours and clothed in the latest trends. The pet care industry is booming in China, as I found out one night after dinner.

As I exited from a restaurant located in the second floor of a high rise building, I heard the delightful squeals of Chinese girls nearby. Usually the generator of such sounds, I wanted to know what else could engender such excitement. I walked the halls until I echo-located a group of girls looking through a glass door. On the other side was a wonderland for cats. Over two dozen of the finest felines I had ever laid eyes on were lounging about a pussy paradise. Most were sitting on the floor, some were using the upholstered furniture available to them, and others had opted for private rooms. None could speak English.

While the day care center for cats was an eye opener, it was not the strangest site I witnessed. Even among pets, there is a hierarchy. In Shanghai, three dogs were pulling a miniature chariot down the street. A flag of the People's Republic of China was proudly flying from the chariot mast, while Shanghai Expo decals had been pasted on to the sides. The chariot seat was occupied by a cat.

*****

"Dogs have owners, cats have staff." ~ Anonymous

The World's Largest Shopping Mall

For much of my youth, the world's largest shopping center was West Edmonton Mall in Canada. At this juncture in history, China is so superlative that it can only outdo itself though. I visited what was once the world's largest shopping mall in Beijing. It has since conceded first place to the deserted South China Mall in Dongguan in 2005. Beijing's Golden Resources Shopping Mall held the title for approximately a year, as it opened in 2004.

With narrow corridors and over a thousand stores packed into it, the Great Mall of China does not have any cavernous spaces to invoke a feeling of awe at its size. The design is quite mundane. Six million square feet of gross leasable area are spread across several city blocks. Sky walks over the streets connect the different sections to keep the mall connected as technically one building.

*****

"We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls." - Bill Bryson

Prince Charming

Me: You like ugly guys?
Chinese girl: They don't have to be good looking, as long as they are charming.
Me: Ahh, so I am too handsome for you?
Chinese girl: No, you are ugly enough... (pause and smile) ...but not charming enough.

Songzhuang Artists Village

As the less glamourous counterpart to Beijing's 798 Art District, the artsy community of Songzhuang has a more intimate feel. The laid back artists work where they live, readily inviting in curious guests to peruse their works. Situated within the eastern suburb of Tongzhou, Songzhuang Artists Village is Beijing's largest such creative community. Around 2000 artists practice their craft here. An annual festival brings in the crowds from the city, but we were among a handful of visitors on the day of our visit.

The people here also have an affinity for pets, with many cats and dogs lazing about. One puppy became excited upon seeing us. It lay on its back and nonchalantly peed on one of my fellow travelers. The rest of the people, locals and visitors alike, chuckled with delight. A group of friends and I were then led from one floor to the next of an apartment building, each door opening to reveal an artist within. It turned out that the lady who gave the tour was both the landlord and the marketing department for her talented tenants.

Some artists worked in larger warehouse type workshops, their messy beds and small kitchens visible in the small rooms attached to the sides of their studio. One was painting and noticed us peeking through his ground floor window. He immediately invited us in. Another studio had a collection of portraits of a handsome young man baring an uncanny resemblance with myself, right down to the sexy beard and trendsetting dress sense. It was a work of art.

*****

“There is one thing one has to have: either a soul that is cheerful by nature, or a soul made cheerful by work, love, art, and knowledge.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

Indiaman

When Chinese girls first meet me they are often curious about my origins.

Chinese girl: Where you from?
Me: Canada.

There are then three possible reactions to my mind boggling answer.

Chinese girl: Where you really from?
or
Chinese girl: You don't look Canada.
or
Chinese girl: Umm....

I must elaborate further as to not leave them utterly dazed and confused.

Me: My parents came from India.
Chinese girl: That make sense.

Journey to the Eastern Tombs

A group of friends and friends of friends assembled at the Sihui subway station in Beijing on a Sunday morning. They were eager to begin an arduous journey to the Eastern Qing Tombs. The final resting place of members of China's last imperial dynasty was located near the town of Zunhua. The bus heading there was supposed to leave from a depot across the street from the Sihui station. As is often the case in fast growing China, the bus station was now the former site of the bus station, as heavy construction work was already underway on something new. We walked in the eastern direction until stumbling upon a station which had a bus leaving for Zunhua from it. Our fellow passengers were auditioning for the Beijing Philharmonic Orchestra, regaling us with sounds of singing, eating, burping, loud speaking and nail cutting throughout our bus ride.

We were dropped off at a fork in the road, the bus continuing towards Zunhua while we rented a van that took us to the tombs. Spread apart over several kilometers, vehicular transport from one tomb to another proved handy. The van had one less seat than the number of passengers, so the men alternated sitting on the floor. At one point, the driver found some cardboard boxes on the street, flattened them, and provided that as a cleaner option to sit on rather than directly on the floor.

The sky was blue and the sacred burial grounds were devoid of tourists, making it a perfect day to explore the tombs of emperors, empresses, princesses, and concubines of times past. As we walked along the main courtyard leading to the entrance, a sudden gust of wind churned the dust on the grounds into a miniature hurricane that whirled past us. "That's actually Bruce Lee!" punned one of my fellow travelers.

Xiaoling, the tomb of the first emperor of the Zing dynasty, and Dingdongling, the tomb of notiorous empress dowager Cixi, were the most fascinating complexes. The exteriors were much more colourful and ornate than the interiors of the tombs. A diorama explained how an adult Cixi had drunk breast milk from her attendants to maintain her youthful skin complexion. The coffins could be reached by climbing the stairs to the main entrance of a tomb, and then descending down a pathway until we were underground. One particularly productive emperor had 35 hut style tombs belonging to his concubines adorning the grounds around his magnificent resting place.

*****

“Our deeds still travel with us from afar, and what we have been makes us what we are.”
- George Eliot -

Pubic Hair on Moles

Whether by choice or circumstance most Chinese men sport the clean shaven look. What is more surprising is that a select few have a single hair growing on their face. This solitary strand of hair springs out from the center of a mole, its floss-like texture shimmering under both natural and artifical light sources. I find such a sight hard to ignore.

Fortunately, the Cindy Crawford style beauty mark on my face is hairless. Upon further examination, I found a mole on my shoulder that had sprouted a singular follicle as well. It was lengthy, curly, and glossy. The foliage on the skin around it did not have the same thickness or sheen. The pubic nature of the hair may be explained by the fact that it has to be thicker and stronger than regular body hairs to be able to pop out through the dense surface of the mole.  

*****

"There's many a man has more hair than wit." - William Shakespeare