Roaches to Riches

Friend: Did you find a place to stay yet?

Me: Yes, but it's in the Tenderloin.

Friend: When is your housewarming party?

Me: The place is so small that no one else will fit inside.

Friend: Really? So your parents won't visit?

Me: Then I'll have to sleep on the floor... with the roaches.

Friend: What bs. You can complain to the city if you have roaches. You do realize that?

Me: I only complain about the decrepit state of America in general.

Friend: Haha, then go back to Canada... or Korea. If you are not one of those people looking to go from roaches to riches then America is not for you!

Beets Me

Two American girls came and sat at my table at a mall food court while I was in the process of consuming a chicken burrito.

Girl #1: Are beets vegetables?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: Oh, I didn't know that. Anyways, I'm thinking of stopping being a vegetarian. I'm feeling tired a lot these days.
Girl #2: That's why I quit being a vegetarian. My energy levels were sooo low and I was craving meat all the time. If your body craves something that badly you should just eat it. I mean it craves it for a reason, right?
Girl #1: Yeah, that's right.

BART Ride

BART is shorthand for Bay Area Rapid Transit. It is not to be confused with the character of the same name on the long running American cartoon show The Simpsons. BART is an aging system of trains that pass for public transportation in the region. The signage is horrendous and the intercom barely audible. The trains are infrequent and most ticketing machines are out of order. If a station once had a functioning escalator it has most likely reverted back to a staircase long ago. The stations also serve as homeless shelters in a nation which has as little regard for its poor as it does for its public transportation infrastructure.

Entrance to a BART station

While San Francisco is a large open air urinal for many of its wild and wacky inhabitants, BART is a veritable bathroom in motion. The only reason it is not called BARF is because that would not encompass the entirety of the human deposits left behind on the train over the decades. Many of the train carriages on BART come with wall-to-wall carpeting. The aged fabric is splotched with the stains of time and puke. Sometimes the floor is sticky. Occasionally, the seats are as well. The fragrances on board are in sync with the stains on the floors.

*****

“A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes - and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside...”  ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Like a Villain

Coworker: Where do you live?

Me: In the Tenderloin.

Coworker: Oh, I never go to that part of town!

Me: Why not? It has character.

Coworker: Like a villain has character.

Standard Deviation

Manager: Why isn't anything working today!?

Subordinate: You ask this question as if somehow today is a deviation from the norm.