June 10, 2012

Windtalkers

Many South Koreans are striving to improve their English skills, which are by and large nonexistent. Youth from wealthier families frequently go overseas to learn English and see a bit of the world at the same time. For those not blessed with the same opportunities, Korea is well stocked with white ESL teachers and bookstores providing learning materials.

Not only are Koreans eagerly learning the de facto official language of the planet, but also about the unspoken melodies of sound and smell that are enjoyed around the globe. As I flipped through the pages of an English language study guide, a certain section captured my undivided attention. Under a Korean headline, were the following scintillating subheadings:

1) Why People Fart
2) How Farts Are Made
3) Amazing Facts about Farting
4) Why Men Fart More than Women
5) Secrets about the Speed of Farts


June 04, 2012

Surgeon General's Warning


South Koreans annually top the international rankings of the most surgically enhanced people per capita, with approximately one in five ladies having gone under the knife to get some upgrades. This still leaves a lot of natural beauties around, as every other girl walking in high heels and short skirts down a street in Seoul on a Friday night looks like a contestant from the Korea's Next Top Model reality show.


Pretty much every Chinese person had an identical reaction when I told them I was moving to Korea. They told me to be careful about a nation of artificial beauties, although I usually cannot tell who has been modified. The message from one Chinese girl sufficiently summarizes their concerns for my well being:

Don’t get a korea girl~ they have fake face!!!!horrible!

Hahahhahahaha!

Korean girl has fake nose,fake cheek,fake lip,and fake boob and ass~ don’t touch it!
They will treat you very nice with their fake body~
Enjoy it~~hahahahahha!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe,when you kiss,her lip collapse~~~~~~~wow hu~ that will be very ugly~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do not do the plastic surgery!!! It is popular in korea,but you just wanna Hold on!

The good thing you head off to that country is:you will be the NO.1 cute guy in the country,coz ,u know,they don’t have handsome guy ~~


Sadly, the Seoul sirens seem to have gotten a similar memo warning them to avoid me.

May 27, 2012

The Parable of the Singing Bastard

I went to see Marvel's The Avengers at a movie theater in Seoul. When I went to the ticket counter, the staff objected to my being there and began to gesticulate wildly. I did not understand what the commotion was about until a kind Korean gentleman behind me pointed out that I needed a ticket just to line up at the ticket counter. He walked with me and we retrieved a numbered slip such as the ones found at banks or visa offices. As there was no one else in the lineup, my number came up immediately and I was able to purchase my movie ticket. While we waited for the film to begin, the man and I made small talk.

Me: What do you do?
He: I am bastard.
Me: No, I mean what is your job?
He: Bastard.
Me: Umm...
He: Pray to God.
Me: Oh, you mean pastor?
He: Yes.

***

He: What you sing about Korea?
Me: I don't sing about Korea.
He: No, what you sing about Koreans?
Me: I don't sing... oh, you mean what do I think about Koreans?
He: Yes.

May 17, 2012

Words of Encouragement


A Chinese girl was inquiring about the status of the Indo-Canadian Temptation in Korea.

Chinese girl: Hi sen sen. How r you? did you got a new gf? 

Me: No gf yet. A few failed attempts so far, but they were entertaining. Most are afraid of me and run away.

Chinese girl: HA~~~~LIKE WHAT I THOUGHT,U DON’T GET ANY ONE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~U  SUCK~

May 16, 2012

ARNABangkok



As darkness falls in Bangkok, its bustling markets full of food and clothing give way to markets of flesh and a lack of clothing. It is a city of dichotomies that is representative of much of Asia these days - a collection of lands whose age old cultural fabric is giving way to a global mindset. The cosmopolitan city is a good introduction to the changes sweeping through the continent, a place where the past struggles to maintain relevance amidst the onslaught of a future that promises unparalleled opportunities and creature comforts.


Bangkok bookended my journey through Southeast Asia, as it was the alpha and omega of my loop through Thailand, Malaysia, Cambodia, Vietnam, and Laos. I had plenty of time to leisurely explore Bangkok's different neighbourhoods from Chinatown to the backpacker dominated Khao San area, taste its succulent selection of street food, and witness Muay Thai kickboxing bouts, among other activities.


Distinctive temples adorn the Bangkok-bisecting Chao Phray River, with Wat Arun towering above them all. The Grand Palace features con men feasting on tourists outside its gates and an image of Buddha carved from a single piece of jade in a temple within. Another famous Buddha reclines inside Wat Pho, his gold leaf covered body and 46 meter length the envy of Bond girls and basketball players alike.


Ram, an enterprising young man whom I had met in Beijing, graciously hosted me in Bangkok. His apartment in Sukhumvit was within walking distance of the subway and metro stations and seedy nightlife areas, but I sometimes splurged on the handy motorcycle taxis that ferried customers to their destination for a few coins. Ram even had a spare phone which he let me use to keep in touch. I lost it on my second day in town, and he made me buy a replacement.