New Discoveries

A study came out recently with findings that were good news for some and quite disconcerting for others. Researchers focused on a group of 82 married couples who were rated on their appearance and encouraged to talk about the health of their relationship. The primary finding was that "men's attractiveness appeared to be more detrimental than beneficial to marriage", or as media outlets around the world put it - "The secret to a successful marriage is an ugly husband". If the wife must be more attractive than the husband, then the ARNABride would have to be exceedingly beautiful to outshine my luminescent countenance. She would have to be an ARNABombshell. This is not only consistent with the ARNABabe framework but strengthens it with further scientific backing.

Another of the findings could explain why the search for potential ARNABride candidates has not made any meaningful progress as of this date.

"Attractive men have available to them more short-term mating opportunities (ie ARNABabes). This may make them less satisfied and less committed to the marital relationship (ie ARNABride)."

***************

I came upon another article of interest in the media. India Infoline mentions "Arnab looked like a heartthrob with his new look and swept the audience off their feet", most likely alluding to the newest incarnation of the ARNABeard and my loyal readership.

Interior Design

A friend and I went to the Opening Night Preview Party of the inaugural Interior Design Show West that was taking place at the Vancouver Convention Centre. My strong interest in interior designing and the proximity of the convention centre to my workplace spurred me to attend the event. My desire was further enhanced upon discovery of some interesting statistics which stated that over 70% of attendees would be females with post-secondary education and incomes over $100,000. After entering the convention hall, I was also able to verify that 70% of attendees were over the age of 50 as well.


There were many pieces of art and furniture on display. I was particularly impressed by the Dyson Airblade touch free hand drier which works in 12 seconds. Honourary mention goes to a picture frame with a digital screen that allows you to display any piece of art that is available in its catalogue. The overall theme seemed to be 'Green Living' with wood and stone being prominent elements in many of these exhibits. Live music and painting, both on canvas and on bodies, rounded out the event.

ARNABloating

ResponseTek is a leader in collecting real time feedback from customers of large scale firms. After a graphically gifted associate of mine created a composite image containing side by side before and after pictures of me, I posted it on a popular social networking site. Following in my company's footsteps, I was able to informally gauge popular opinion on the transformation of the ARNABody. The results were surprising. Although only two options were presented, to my astonishment a write-in option also gained considerable support from the masses.

On the ballot:

• ARNABony - post India and pre-ResponseTek skinnier version
• ARNABlimp - after 5 months at ResponseTek

Write in choices:

• ARNABuff or ARNABuilt - a mythical muscular being
• ARNABetween - the mean average of ARNABony and ARNABlimp

The voice of the people was captured and transformed into an ordered list which showed the public preference of the future direction of the ARNABody. After filtering out votes stating no preference as long as they got a taste of the ARNABody in any shape or form, the results were:

1. ARNABuff
2. ARNABlimp
3. ARNABony
4. ARNABetween

Pregnancy Scare

Trading in the physically exerting role of globetrotting adventurer for that of an office dwelling software engineer has taken a toll on the wondrous ARNABody. The attractive structure is increasing in mass at an alarming rate of 2-2.5 pounds a month. My Adam's apple has receded and my rugged jawline has become soft and rounded. To alleviate my concerns, a chubby coworker cheerfully declared that "You're only fat if you feel fat". He also mentioned he has not seen his Adam's apple in years.

Some of my colleagues attributed my rapid swelling to my "pregnancy". Just as female frogs change sexes and transform into male frogs when the female:male ratio is unfavourably tilted, they hypothesized that I am also mutating due to the extreme workplace ratio that is prevalent in the IT industry. My frequent cravings for poutine and other edible heavenlies was pointed out as further evidence in support of this gender jumping theory.

Redefining ARNABabe

The strength of the scientific community lies in its ability to constantly redefine thought processes and belief systems based on new discoveries or paradigm shifts. With the emergence of the ARNABeauty and ARNABombshell terminology in popular culture, the role of the ARNABabes in society must be redefined for proper distinction.

Let the universal set of available women in the age of youth, blessed by adequate mental faculties and endearing aesthetic features be known as ARNABabes. A subset of ARNABabes, the ARNABeauties, will possess unique internal qualities or traits that intrigue me enough to warrant further investigation. Another subset of the ARNABabes, the ARNABombshells, will be blessed with generous physical attributes, grace, and style that invigorate my very being. The set formed by the intersection of the ARNABeauties and ARNABombshells shall form the set of ARNABride candidates.

To summarize in formal mathematical notation:

ARNABabes are the universal set
ARNABombshells ⊆ ARNABabes
ARNABeauties ⊆ ARNABabes
ARNABride candidates ⊆ ARNABombshells
ARNABride candidates ⊆ ARNABeauties
ARNABride candidates = ARNABombshells ∩ ARNABeauties

Theoretically, ARNABride candidates ≠ Ø

A Venn diagram (created using the Google Charts API) provides a visual representation of this complex concept: