Showing posts with label korea. Show all posts
Showing posts with label korea. Show all posts

July 31, 2013

Welcome to Naminara Republic


A micronation is a self governing entity which has declared independence but not received formal recognition from established nations. Nami Island was purchased by a Korean business mogul, who promptly declared it to be a culturally independent state known as Naminara Republic. There is even a faux immigration counter at the entrance to the ferry boarding gates. The micronation even has its own flag, national anthem, postage stamp, and currency (although the Korean won is widely accepted).


The Naminara Republic promotes a life of harmony with nature. Telephone lines and electricity cables all run underground so that they do not blemish the scenic view of the island. Famed as the location of several beloved Korean television dramas, a tree lined path stretches through the middle of the island. A lot of tourists from Southeast Asia visit Nami Island after having seen it as a backdrop in their favourite K-drama. I visited the popular site along with a Dutch guy and two Korean women. Naminarans share the same racist tendencies as their Korean cousins, as my white friend received a discount while the Koreans and I had to pay the full entrance fee.


The parking lot and welcome area from where to catch the ferry (or zipline) to the island is about an hour and a half drive from Seoul. As tradition dictates, we stopped for chicken at Chuncheon's dakgalbi street en route to Nami Island. Much to my dismay, my three friends showed great interest in cycling around the island as the primary activity of the day. Due to my underdeveloped motor skills I was relegated to the back seat of a tandem bicycle as we did a round of the half moon shaped isle, resulting in many terrifying experiences.


*****

Full of the sweet fragrance of humanity
Nami is a destination out of a fairy-tale where we can make our dreams come true
Near the riverbank where moonlight scatters, hearts pour forth in the misty fog
Sharing thoughts on life with ostriches and squirrels, 
Here I put down heavy burdens of my heart
With the freedom to do or not to do
Here I try to find real me.

- The Naminara Manifesto

July 22, 2013

Arnab and the Plastic Factory: BK Plastic Surgery Museum


The subway station in Seoul's Sinsa neighbourhood is a sight to behold, emblazoned with advertisements of plastic surgery clinics and procedures from one end to the other. Almost every location marked on the neighbourhood maps placed near the exits is a cosmetic surgery clinic. The so-called 'Beauty Belt' plays a significant role in churning out the figurines that strut the streets of Seoul with coffee, gigantic phone, and designer purse in hand and high heels on foot. Korean men also go in for cosmetic surgery, but there are some battles that cannot be won.


The Beauty Korea (BK) Hospital occupies a complete sixteen story tower near Sinsa station, with one floor operating as both a consultation centre and museum. Before going in for a consultation, prospective surgery recipients can browse various forms of body modification and learn a little about the options available to them in their unending quest to appear attractive and desirable.


I explained to the lifelike mannequin standing at the entrance that I wanted to visit the plastic surgery museum. She called someone who knew English and handed me the phone. "Do you want a consultation or just to visit the museum?" she inquired coolly. I did not take offence. She was on the phone and thus could not see that I had already won the genetic lottery. I gave my answer and was told to take the escalator up to museum.


At the reception area a mother and daughter pair were solemnly awaiting their consultation. One of the three identical receptionists pointed out the museum entrance to me. It was quite small but informative, as eyes, nose, hair, face, breasts, hips, and bottoms were all covered. There were diagrams, tools of the trade, documentary videos, and even a few hands on exhibits demonstrating how certain body parts could be augmented.


A glass box where patients drop pieces of their shaved off jawlines eerily quoted a Korean proverb about tigers shedding their skin as they enter the afterlife. The descriptions about each form of surgery frequently mentioned how Western (eg white) standards of beauty appealed to the many Koreans who are intoxicated with improving their appearance to gain a competitive edge over others. However with a few more visits to BK Hospital and its ilk the others may end up looking just like them, nullifying their advantage.


*****

"Oh sexy eyes, sexy nose, sexy mouth, don't you know" ~ lyrics from K-pop girl group T-ara's song 'Sexy Love'

July 20, 2013

National Treasure #1


With public drunkenness rivalling baseball and video gaming in popularity as South Korea's national sport, it comes as no small surprise that the occasional mishap takes place. Five years ago in Seoul, one drunkard wobbled through the streets of the capital city on unsteady legs until he arrived at Sungnyemun. Located near the bustling markets of Namdaemun, Sungnyemun was one of the gates of the fortress walls that encircled Seoul in the past.


Having imbibed an inappropriately large quantity of alcohol, the boozer set fire to South Korea's officially designated National Treasure #1. Despite the best efforts of valiant firefighters, the six hundred year complex was badly damaged by the flames after quietly witnessing several Korean dynasties, Japanese occupation, dictatorship, and democracy.


Although not totally destroyed, Sungnyemun would require even more reconstruction work than the average K-girl. A five year, 22 million US dollar rebuild took place and the reconstructed gate was unveiled to the public in May 2013. The restoration team was composed of the finest artisans and historians in the nation. They used traditional techniques and materials wherever possible but also added extra fireproofing to the stone and wood structure.


The current prime minister and former dictator's daughter, Park Geun-hye, was on hand during the opening ceremony. The crowd was composed of many oldsters, who let out a loud roar of approval upon her arrival. Her father was the man they hold responsible for transforming South Korea into an economic powerhouse, and some of that goodwill has trickled down to the lady president decades later. She looked in the direction of International Treasure #1 and gave me a quick wave, before beginning a speech to commemorate the special occasion.


*****

"The rebirth of Sungnyemun means more than just the restoration of a cultural asset. It heightens the pride of the Korean people once again and will serve as a gate to a new era of hope." ~ President Park Geun-hye

July 17, 2013

Green Tea in Boseong


When an extremely rare three day long weekend appeared on the calendar, most of Korea was on the move. A journey from one end of South Korea to the other should take at most around 5 hours. My bus ride to Boseong lasted 10 hours, but bumper to bumper traffic on the national highway was only part of the problem. I was traveling with a friend who was headed over to his hometown of Wando in the same general direction. We were already over an hour behind schedule by the time we escaped the holiday related chaos at the express bus terminal in Gangnam.


The rest areas on the highway were packed, so we were redirected to a makeshift facility which was nothing more than a giant parking lot with several portable potties. The consistently predictable mistake or sadistic tendency of planners and architects around the world to put the same number of male and female stalls without calibrating for the physiological and behavioural differences of each gender proved our downfall here. The men finished their business in around 15 minutes despite the 200 meter long line up. Several cheated and just took leak at the side of the parking lot, away from any prying double eyelids. The women took another hour as the men snoozed on the bus.


At another rest stop we waited for half an hour for two missing passengers to show up, until the driver got a call that the the pair of dimwits had boarded another bus which somehow happened to have the exact same two seats free. That bus had deposited them in the middle of the highway, and we picked them up en route. "I can't even understand Korean but I got on the right bus. How difficult can it be?" moaned an under-skilled yet over-compensated English teacher who was headed for the annual Boseong Green Tea Festival as well.


By the time we finally reached Boseong it was dinner time. My friend and I enjoyed a sumptuous pork barbecue before he continued on to his hometown. I dropped my backpack at a minbak (guesthouse) operated by an old grannie and then enjoyed a cultural performance in the town's main square. I returned to the guesthouse early so the grandmother would not have to stay awake too long waiting for me.


This allowed me to wake up extremely early the following day and reach the tea fields before the holiday crowds stormed the idyllic location, a frequent backdrop for locally produced movies and television serials. The plantations were a vivid shade of green, akin to the colour that my face changes to every time I see an irresistible Korean beauty accompanied by an effeminate boyfriend with about as much personality as he has body hair.


Apart from the green tea itself, I tried out some green tea yogurt and ice cream at some of the festival stalls. As a kind and thoughtful colleague, I bought some green tea crackers at the tourist shop within the grounds of the tea field. I handed the gift to a coworker who laughed cruelly upon examining it, pointing to the fine print on the packaging stating the crackers had been manufactured somewhere near Seoul and not in Boseong itself.


*****

Tea, though ridiculed by those who are naturally coarse in their nervous sensibilities will always be the favourite beverage of the intellectual. ~ Thomas de Quincey 

July 14, 2013

Conversations with K-girls: No Idea

K-girl: <emitting a random stream of English words>

Me: Yes, yes.

K-girl: Do you have any idea what I am saying?

Me: No.

K-girl: Me neither.


July 10, 2013

Ice Fishing at Hwacheon


My fishing skills are about as well honed as the critical thinking abilities of an average South Korean youth. Nevertheless, I could not pass up the opportunity to visit the annual ice fishing festival in Hwacheon. The region is the first part of South Korea to freeze over in winter time. After a hearty dakgalbi luncheon at Chuncheon and a scenic drive past snow covered hills and frozen lakes, I arrived at the site of the Hwacheon Sancheoneo (Mountain Trout)  Festival.


The well organized event is a heavy favourite of young families. The lengthy sheet of ice that plays host to the festival is divided up into plots with separate entrances so that the crowds are distributed evenly across the frozen surface of Hwacheoncheon. Fishing equipment is readily available at stalls beside the entrances, although using bare hands is a fun alternative. The holes in the ice had already been dug, but I am unaware whether it was the handiwork of festival organizers or prior visitors. I tried several different holes of varying sizes.


Some of the 10,000 daily visitors were heavily invested into the activity, sticking their heads into the holes to see if they could catch a glimpse of any sea creatures. Others were more nonchalant about their participation in the festival. A K-girl was glued to her smartphone, operating the gigantic device with one hand and weakly holding the fishing rod with the other as if it was an overpriced vanilla latte. It was speculated that she was playing an addictive fishing game on her phone.


At regularly scheduled intervals a truck would pull up to the edge of the river bed. Festival staff would throw hundreds of trout transported from parts unknown into the water. A frenzy of activity would take place around this time, with many yelps of excitement emanating from attendees of indistinguishable gender as they celebrated their catch. The event is staged to ensure everyone comes out a winner, but despite an hour or so of focused effort and Korean office worker-like diligence I was unable to capture any trout.


*****

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. ~ Henry David Thoreau 

July 08, 2013

Mr. Toilet and the House of Poo Poo


In Beijing, I once visited a poop themed restaurant. The seats were life-sized toilets, and the covers could be lifted up to see if a special brown souvenir had been left behind. Instead of tissues, there was a toilet paper dispenser. The food itself was not feces flavoured, although it was still crappy. It was served in miniature toilets. An artificial turd was affixed to the bottom of each cup, emerging into view only after the drinker had almost finished their beverage.


The Koreans and the Chinese seem to share this love of turds, as the city of Suwon boasts a toilet museum as one of its top three tourist attractions. I have also seen several eateries around Korea selling dung shaped desserts.


The toilet museum is dedicated to a former mayor of Suwon who was reported to have been born in an outhouse. Sim Jae-duck, aka Mr. Toilet, had encouraged the construction of many public toilets in the city. He also helped established the World Toilet Organization (WTO) to promote the worthy cause of global sanitation.


I dropped by the manure museum near closing time, so I could only experience the well fertilized grounds. I did not have time to enter the house that Mr. Toilet built, missing out on a chance to see the winning entries of the first annual Golden Poop Painting Contest. This year's theme was 'Humorous Poop'.


The outdoor sculptures are a sight to behold, with the ecstasies and agonies of defecating etched into each man, woman, and child's face for all eternity. One exhibit was about the legendary ddong dwaeji of Jeju, a pig that fattens itself on man made brown gold before being eaten themselves. The black pigs are known for having extra flavour.


June 29, 2013

Hallasan - Climbing Korea's Highest Mountain


Jeju is an island off the south coast of peninsular Korea. It is the closest thing that South Korea has to a tropical paradise, making it an extremely popular yet still laid back travel destination. In the middle of the island is Hallasan, a gently sloping shield volcano that rises 2 kilometers into the sky. It is not the most beautiful mountain in the country, nor the toughest to summit, but it is the highest and thus worthy of a climb.


I was travelling Jeju with a Korean lady, a Dutchman, and an American guy. It took us around 8 hours to go up and down. The incline was very gradual and not particularly painful, but the decent was hard on the knees and felt far more tiring. The weather started off cooperating for the majority of the climb, but fog engulfed the mountain when we reached the peak. We waited a long time at the top but the clouds would not cooperate, robbing us of any stunning views. The crater at the top only had a small pool of water.


A heavy storm had recently hit Jeju, so the staircase up to the top of the mountain was a mangled pile of wooden debris. The rest of the trail was in good condition, with a couple of rest areas in between giving us a chance to mingle with the brightly dressed community of mature Koreans who adore hiking up mountains. One old timer kept pointing me out to his companions in between slurping his cup of instant noodles and taking swigs of soju, perhaps trying to recollect which magazine cover or billboard he had seen me on before.


Since we had come up one way and down another we were separated from our rental car. The taxi drivers were all in cahoots and not willing to use their meters, so we had a tough time making our way to the parking lot where we had originally started. Exhausted we made it back to Jeju City in time for dinner with some former students of my Korean friend, who is a teacher of business English to Korean professionals. While we enjoyed a delicious meal of barbecued black pork, a Jeju specialty, the students perspired heavily from the effort of having to communicate with foreigners, which is a Korean specialty.


*****

"Cliff! And then walked slowly down the mountain when you let go." - Warning sign posted on the trail

June 26, 2013

Conversations with K-girls: A Carless Mistake

K-girl who I just met: May I see your car?

Me (reaching for my wallet): Of course, you can see my card. Here you go.

K-girl: No, not your card! May I see your CAR?

Me: Oh...

June 15, 2013

One Chance

Me: I hope she will give me a second chance.

Korean lady: Second chance? When did you got a first chance?

Me: Oh, good point... I hope she will give me a first chance.

June 03, 2013

Mad for Garlic... and Deodorant

Korean guy: Do you know why Korean girls don't like you? It's not just because you are Indian blood. It's also your bad smell.

Me: My bad smell? OK…

Korean guy: Western people think Koreans are stinky because they smell like garlic, no? But that is a normal thing here, so it is not a bad or weird.

Me: So I smell bad?

Korean guy: Yes. How many times do you use deodorant?

Me: Usually one time in the morning.

Korean guy: That's not enough. That's why you smell bad.

Me: What!? You expect me to apply it every four hours or something?

Korean guy: No, that's still not enough. You must use it every hour or two.

Me: That's too much.

Korean guy: No, you can't say that. That is normal thing here so you must do it.

*****

On an interesting side note, the 'flower men' of South Korea make up less than 1% of the global male population yet account for over 20% of male cosmetic sales worldwide.

May 31, 2013

Conversations with K-girls: Dinner Plans

K-girl: I have a dinner plan.

Me: With me?

K-girl: No.... uh.... umm..... with my family?

May 28, 2013

In Hostile Territory

Me: She looks a little Chinese, even though she is Korean.

Korean guy: Yes, so I don't like her.

Me: Chinese girls are also nice.

Korean guy: Japanese better but they exposed to radioactivity.

Me: I thought you had a Chinese girlfriend before.

Korean guy: Nope, I just had Chinese homemate but she had stinky foreign boyfriend.

Me: A big hairy oaf?

Korean guy: Oaf?

Me: For example "That was my foot you just stepped on, you bumbling oaf".

Korean guy (after looking up the definition of oaf in an electronic dictionary): "Why give publicity to this self-indulgent, adolescent oaf?"

Me: Yes, exactly. For instance, that guy talking to the Chinese-looking girl appears to be an oaf.

Korean guy: That I agree. He looks oaf so normal girls don't have any hostility.

Me: Yup, they let their defences down but when they see a dangerous Prince of Persia they have their shields up.

Korean guy: Yes, that's fact so it's not your fault. Their reaction is natural.

Me: Hostility is a good word.

Korean guy: Why? It's bad word, isn't it?

Me: I mean it's a good word to describe the situation.

Korean guy: Aha~

May 25, 2013

Escape from Trash Mountain - Nanjido


Take a low lying island located on a river in Seoul, add two decades worth of garbage generated during a period of rapid modernization never before seen in human history, and what are you left with? A 100 meter high mountain of trash, reeking so badly that people could smell it from the other side of the Han River. The dump site of Nanjido grew to cover an area of almost 3 million square meters, dwarfing the pyramids of Giza in scale.


Nanjido became a dangerous eyesore that oozed methane which frequently ignited, causing 1300 fires over the life span of the landfill. Millions of tons of industrial and household waste had piled up like the credit card debt of a Korean beauty's boyfriend. After one big blaze in 1984, the last of the inhabitants of the isle were relocated.



Seoul was selected as a host of the 2002 World Cup. The city's soccer stadium was located a corner kick away from this festering heap of rubbish, so the government decided to do something about the situation. They transformed the dump into a large green space, replete with parks, sculptures, trails, golf courses, and dazzling views of Seoul.


Ironically, there are barely any garbage cans on a mountain that once served as the city's wastebasket. Every time I came up on what looked to be a garbage can, it turned out to be a container for fire extinguishers. The extinguishers are a nice safety precaution, but perhaps a bit underpowered to put out a fire on a blazing mountain of methane. Smoking is prohibited on top of the park for this reason, as it could lead to spontaneous combustion. Despite the potential safety hazards, a visit to 'Trash Mountain' is certainly not a waste of time.


*****

People say I'm extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage? ~ Imelda Marcos 

May 22, 2013

Celebrating Buddha's Birthday


Buddhism is the leading belief system in South Korea (if you consider Protestantism and Catholicism as distinct religions), so the birth of Buddha is celebrated with great pomp and pageantry every year. A Chinese friend of mine was in Seoul for a business trip, and he joined me for the day as we participated in the festive activities on offer throughout the city.


Our first stop was the Jogyesa Temple, a large complex located in the heart of old Seoul. The principal temple of the Jogye Order and the centre of Zen Buddhism in Korea, its roots can be traced back over five hundred years. A colourful hive of activity, Jogyesa is not the kind of place to visit for a serene meditative experience. However, it does provide a good introduction into the world of Korean Buddhism.


When we first entered the complex, we were ushered into a movie theatre. A highly entertaining documentary was shown explaining how Korea was the greatest nation on Earth. One infographic compared the total number of inventions made in Korea with the sum total of every invention made by all other countries in the world in a year. It was a tight race, but Korea came out on top. It also highlighted the fact that Korea has the best alphabet system ever concocted. Hanguel is a highly elegant system that replaced the traditional Chinese characters that were previously used by Koreans.


After the film concluded it was time for us to make some traditional paper lanterns. Volunteers guided us as we crafted a masterpiece out of coloured paper and adhesive. We explored the temple grounds for a while and ate a vegetarian meal, consisting predominantly of sticky rice.


We were given instructions to go to Tapgol Park as some VIP seating was reserved for foreigners. We had front row seats to view the Lotus Lantern Festival Parade being held to commemorate Buddha's birthday. As the parade neared its conclusion, we were pulled in to the procession to add a multicultural flavour to the festivities. We held our handcrafted lotus lanterns high and waved to the adoring crowds as we passed by.

May 20, 2013

Conversations with K-girls: English No

Me: Do you know any English?

K-girl: English no.

Me: 'English know' or 'English no'?

K-girl: English NO!

May 08, 2013

Chuncheon - Mimes, Fireballs, Waterfights, and Dakgalbi



Chuncheon hosts an international mime festival each year. Foreigners in Korea who do not fluently speak the local tongue soon become accomplished mimes themselves, so I was interested in seeing the abilities of some of my peers. The mime portion of the festival was rather boring though, with only a few moderately skilled performers on hand. The scene stealer was a spectacular set piece that dangled in the skies. A fireball was lifted above the crowds by a crane, held in place by a barely visible cable that did not hinder the effect of the great ball of fire.


What was supposed to be a mime festival broke out into a full fledged water fight on Chuncheon's main thoroughfare. Buckets of water were provided and the citizens let loose with much gusto. It was a welcome change from the stiff necked formality of Seoulites. One courageous little boy gingerly edged towards me, aimed his water pistol in my direction, gently squeezed the trigger, and ran away. His aim was true, as I had to wipe my glasses dry to regain my vision after his strike.


I grew hungry and headed for Myeongdong Dakgalbi Street, where a row of specialty restaurants awaited me. Chuncheon's claim to Korean fame is its delicious dakgalbi, a chicken dish mixed with vegetables, rice cakes, and occasionally cheese. It is cooked on the dining table on a large iron pan or directly over charcoal. Like a hot glance from a shy K-girl on a crowded subway, eating dakgalbi is a tantalizing experience that lingers on in one's memories for many days after.