Monkey King

I was having lunch at Hai Di Lao, my favourite hotpot restaurant in Shanghai. The broth can splatter onto diners, so a range of protective accessories from aprons to cellphone covers and hair bands are provided to patrons. 

Pretty Chinese Girl: Here is hair band for your head. Oh, I forgot you don’t have hair there anymore! Hahahahaha. Anyway, you can use it for your hairy back then. 

Me: Korean girls don’t like my hairy body.

PCG: No girl like it.

Me: Maybe Latin ones? I’m not sure.

PCG: If they like monkey.

Dance Wance

Me: This year I need to find a job, meet a girl, get some muscles, and learn how to dance.

Pretty Chinese Girl: The dance is impossible.

Me: Why!? Maybe it is hidden inside of me somewhere...

PCG: Must be very deep inside then.

Handsome & Judgmental

Pretty Chinese Girl: You always say white man, black man, pretty girl, ugly girl. You are very judgmental. 

Me: Handsome judgmental man.

PCG: Handsome does not belong anywhere near you!

Horse

Pretty Chinese Girl: Wow! Your nose holes are enormous. Just like a horse!

Me: That’s not the only thing that’s like a horse.

PCG: The nose holes must take forever to clean.

Me: Or many fingers…

PCG: At least two can fit inside at once!

A Difference of Opinion

I had a layover in Shanghai, and briefly met up with a Chinese girl who I knew from my Beijing days.

Pretty Chinese Girl: You are still short! Hahaha.

Me: Well… I am tall in China.

PCG: You look same as before but half your hair is gone.

Me: Yes, because of the water in China.

PCG: Do not blame everything on China.

Me: I am skinnier though.

PCG: You look older.

Me: You mean skinnier and younger?

PCG: No, older.

Me: Younger?

PCG: Do you want to hear my real thought or do you want just I repeat your opinion?