Poor Arnab

A pretty Chinese girl expressed her sympathy for me after hearing about my sad state of affairs with K-girls: 


Poor Arnab... Indian black hairy IT nerd


The description sounds tragedy enough...

ARNABarbecue: Nice to Meat You

Korean BBQ restaurants are immensely popular for dinner, especially to commemorate celebratory occasions. For the birthday of a Danish friend, we ventured to a busy barbecue house in a lively student area in Seoul. Although the meat and accompaniments are provided by the BBQ restaurant, the cooking is usually done by the diners themselves. They have to carefully transfer the meat from the plate it sits on and place it on the barbecue. 

The pieces of meat have to be turned over in a timely fashion so that they do not get charred or stuck to the grill. Scissors can be used to cut the meat into more manageable chunks. Adjustable overhead vents suck up the smoke. Clothes can be stuffed in to large plastic bags or in the empty space underneath ones seat, so that they do not end up smelling of juicy strips of pork or beef. 

We could tell that at this particular restaurant the meat was very fresh. When it was brought to our table it was still in the original wrapping from the grocery store it was purchased from, complete with price tag. I kept the price tag (410g of beef for 41,000 Korean won) as a souvenir. As the night continued, we ended up at a bar. Outside the restroom I was waiting in line behind a beauty, who noticed the price tag affixed to my chest.

K-girl: You are beef?

Me: Do you like beef?

K-girl: No... I like pork.

Never O'clock

Korean girl: I have a friend who lives in Gangnam. Her family is wealthy and she recently had plastic surgery.

Me: Oh, when do we meet?

Korean girl: Never o'clock!

Conversations with K-girls: Hairy Chest

After seeing a tuft of my majestic chest hair...

Korean girl #1: Ahhhhhhh, I hate it!

Korean girl #2: Going home now.

Korean girl #1 (to Korean guy): He is the Arab?

Korean guy: No, India.

Korean girl #1: Does the India girl like the hair? Korean girl hate that kind of thing.

Me: Yes, they love it.

Korean girl #1: Ughhhh.

Inner Beauty

Korean woman: You never say anything nice about me.

Me: Really? I think you have great inner beauty.

Korean woman: What about my outer beauty?

Me: I appreciate you for your great inner beauty.

Korean woman: Oh my god! I can't believe you said that. My boyfriend would kill you if he heard this.

Me: He might attempt the same if he heard I greatly appreciated your outer beauty.

Honeyed Words

Chinese girl: When I ask some favor form you, I should say something good, especially handsome ~ cool guy ~~something like that haha

Me: That's right!

Conversations with K-girls: Lebanon

K-girl: Are you Lebanon?

Me: No, I am from Canada.

K-girl: ...

Me: ...

K-girl: ... Are you Lebanon?

ARNABotoxed

Korean lady: I have friends who work as fashion models and they are always talking about their Botox injections.

Me: You have friends who are fashion models?

Korean lady: Don't worry. I will never introduce them to you!

Compliments of the Arnab

Korean lady: Why are you smiling?

Me: I am looking good.

Korean lady: Thank you!

After she walked away with a big grin on her face, I discussed the incident with a German guy who was in the vicinity.

Me: I said 'I am looking good' but she only heard 'looking good'.

German guy: Yes, I heard the entire conversation... but I didn't mention anything.

Me: Perhaps I should give more compliments.

German guy: Yes, you should.

Conversations with K-girls: Home Run

Me: Would you like a coffee courtesy of Arnab?

K-girl: Can I go home instead?

A Kind Reminder from China

I had mentioned to a Chinese beauty how badly her Korean counterparts were treating me, so she supplied some gentle words to soothe my suffering:

"Girls...hmm, never a problem, if they don't like you, it's their lost! However, you do need to express yourself more than just showing your HTML code...not every girl get it...a kind reminder ;P"

Arnab and the Plastic Factory: BK Plastic Surgery Museum

The subway station in Seoul's Sinsa neighbourhood is a sight to behold, emblazoned with advertisements of plastic surgery clinics and procedures from one end to the other. Almost every location marked on the neighbourhood maps placed near the exits is a cosmetic surgery clinic. The so-called 'Beauty Belt' plays a significant role in churning out the figurines that strut the streets of Seoul with coffee, gigantic phone, and designer purse in hand and high heels on foot. Korean men also go in for cosmetic surgery, but there are some battles that cannot be won.

The Beauty Korea (BK) Hospital occupies a complete sixteen story tower near Sinsa station, with one floor operating as both a consultation centre and museum. Before going in for a consultation, prospective surgery recipients can browse various forms of body modification and learn a little about the options available to them in their unending quest to appear attractive and desirable.

I explained to the lifelike mannequin standing at the entrance that I wanted to visit the plastic surgery museum. She called someone who knew English and handed me the phone. "Do you want a consultation or just to visit the museum?" she inquired coolly. I did not take offence. She was on the phone and thus could not see that I had already won the genetic lottery. I gave my answer and was told to take the escalator up to museum.

At the reception area a mother and daughter pair were solemnly awaiting their consultation. One of the three identical receptionists pointed out the museum entrance to me. It was quite small but informative, as eyes, nose, hair, face, breasts, hips, and bottoms were all covered. There were diagrams, tools of the trade, documentary videos, and even a few hands on exhibits demonstrating how certain body parts could be augmented.

A glass box where patients drop pieces of their shaved off jawlines eerily quoted a Korean proverb about tigers shedding their skin as they enter the afterlife. The descriptions about each form of surgery frequently mentioned how Western (eg white) standards of beauty appealed to the many Koreans who are intoxicated with improving their appearance to gain a competitive edge over others. However with a few more visits to BK Hospital and its ilk the others may end up looking just like them, nullifying their advantage.

*****

"Oh sexy eyes, sexy nose, sexy mouth, don't you know" ~ lyrics from K-pop girl group T-ara's song 'Sexy Love'

Conversations with K-girls: No Idea

K-girl: <emitting a random stream of English words>

Me: Yes, yes.

K-girl: Do you have any idea what I am saying?

Me: No.

K-girl: Me neither.

Conversations with K-girls: A Carless Mistake

K-girl who I just met: May I see your car?

Me (reaching for my wallet): Of course, you can see my card. Here you go.

K-girl: No, not your card! May I see your CAR?

Me: Oh...

One Chance

Me: I hope she will give me a second chance.

Korean lady: Second chance? When did you got a first chance?

Me: Oh, good point... I hope she will give me a first chance.

Conversations with K-girls: Dinner Plans

K-girl: I have a dinner plan.

Me: With me?

K-girl: No.... uh.... umm..... with my family?

In Hostile Territory

Me: She looks a little Chinese, even though she is Korean.

Korean guy: Yes, so I don't like her.

Me: Chinese girls are also nice.

Korean guy: Japanese better but they exposed to radioactivity.

Me: I thought you had a Chinese girlfriend before.

Korean guy: Nope, I just had Chinese homemate but she had stinky foreign boyfriend.

Me: A big hairy oaf?

Korean guy: Oaf?

Me: For example "That was my foot you just stepped on, you bumbling oaf".

Korean guy (after looking up the definition of oaf in an electronic dictionary): "Why give publicity to this self-indulgent, adolescent oaf?"

Me: Yes, exactly. For instance, that guy talking to the Chinese-looking girl appears to be an oaf.

Korean guy: That I agree. He looks oaf so normal girls don't have any hostility.

Me: Yup, they let their defences down but when they see a dangerous Prince of Persia they have their shields up.

Korean guy: Yes, that's fact so it's not your fault. Their reaction is natural.

Me: Hostility is a good word.

Korean guy: Why? It's bad word, isn't it?

Me: I mean it's a good word to describe the situation.

Korean guy: Aha~

Conversations with K-girls: English No

Me: Do you know any English?

K-girl: English no.

Me: 'English know' or 'English no'?

K-girl: English NO!

Bragging Rights

Me: This paragraph so easy to understand.

Korean girl: Nooooooo. Don't say that! English is not our mother tongue.

Me: It's not mine either.

Korean girl: Really? Oh.. it's Indian?

Me: Yes, first I learnt Bengali and then English. Also some French in school, and some Hindi in India, some Chinese, and some Korean. So Korean is actually the sixth language I understand a bit of.

Korean girl: Stop bragging!!

Me: I also look good both with and without a beard.

Korean girl: Aiyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Seoul Motor Show 2013

In China, the auto show rotates between Shanghai and Beijing every other year. The biennial policy is also in place in South Korea, where the motor show oscillates between Seoul and Busan. Last year I dropped by Busan for the showcase event, but this year I did not have to venture as far. The Seoul version of the event is held in the neighbouring city of Ilsan, in the same convention grounds that the Sensation concert took place in.

Once I entered the hall and looked around, I was at a loss for words. As tradition dictates, I dropped by the BMW booth and relaxed for a while. Being an admirer of beauty in all its forms, I could not help but recollect one of my favourite poems composed by William Wordsworth as I lounged in the VIP area - The Daffodils:

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the milky way,

They stretched in never-ending line

Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,

Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:

A poet could not but be gay,

In such a jocund company:

I gazed--and gazed--but little thought

What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.